Insight: “Men in authority will always think that criticism of their policies is dangerous. They will always equate their policies with patriotism, and find criticism subversive.” —Henry Steele Commager (1902-1998)

Upright: “Can you imagine having [Obama’s] record of failure, bragging about it and promising to deliver more misery into the indefinite future? It would be like the owner of the Chicago Cubs pledging to keep winning the World Series.” —David Limbaugh

“The truth is I’ve been blessed by a lot of opportunities to do a lot of things in my life and unlike another woman in this race I actually love spending time with my husband.” —Carly Fiorina

“The person who will decide the nomination on the Democratic side is FBI Director James Comey.” —Charles Krauthammer

The BIG Lie: “I’ve been to Bahrain and looked right across the Persian Gulf to Iran. Everything is very close there.” —Nancy Pelosi (“According to Google Maps, the distance between the two countries at their closest points is over 100 miles. That’s roughly equivalent to the distance between Washington, D.C. and Philadelphia. … It appears Pelosi is capable of seeing through the Earth itself.” —Mediaite’s Alex Griswold)

Braying Jackass: “Republicans … want Latinos and Asians to disappear and be quiet. … And [to] black people, they’re like, ‘Well, I’m not sure that you should all be able to vote, let’s go back before the Voting Rights Act.’ I mean, they want to turn back the clock on women too.” —Rep. Luis Gutierrez

And last… “While he’s at it, John Kerry would also like to thank the Iranians for taking Americans hostage back in 1979.” —Twitter satirist @weknowwhatsbest