Insight

“There exists a law, not written down anywhere but inborn in our hearts; a law which comes to us not by training or custom or reading but by derivation and absorption and adoption from nature itself; a law which has come to us not from theory but from practice, not by instruction but by natural intuition. I refer to the law which lays it down that, if our lives are endangered by plots or violence or armed robbers or enemies, any and every method of protecting ourselves is morally right.” —Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)

For the Record

“When Biden said that he could sum up America in a single word, and that that single word was ‘asufutimaehaehfutbw,’ he was inadvertently onto something. Often, Biden reaches for words that aren’t quite there, and perhaps never were — ‘Regoduwidadefi,’ ‘Trunalimunumaprzure’ — and, often, it doesn’t especially matter, because he wasn’t saying anything comprehensible to begin with.” —Charles C.W. Cooke

The BIG Lies

“I can’t believe we’re still talking about this, but my emails… As Trump’s problems continue to mount, the right is trying to make this about me again. There’s even a ‘Clinton Standard.’ The fact is that I had zero emails that were classified.” —Hillary Clinton, who the FBI said sent or received 110 classified emails, which is far more egregious a security hazard than hard copies of documents at Trump’s Secret Service-protected estate

“The reason that made me run — I decided — it was when you saw those people come out of the fields down in Virginia carrying torches — literally coming out of the fields carrying torches, with swastikas, chanting the same anti-Semitic bile that was chanted in — literally the same anti-Semitic bile chanted in Germany in the ‘30s accompanied by the Ku Klux Klan. And the guy that I beat in this … last election — when they asked what did he thought, he said there were really fine people on both sides.” —Joe Biden

“I got very engaged in … the Civil Rights movement. And — and as a kid, I was — I worked a lot in the movement at work.” —Joe Biden (“I was not an activist. … I was not out marching. I was not down in Selma. I was not anywhere else.” —Joe Biden, 1987)

President “Unity™”

“We’ve been a nation of unity, of hope, of optimism — not as a nation of division and violence and hatred that’s being preached by some others. … The extreme MAGA Republicans in Congress have chosen to go backwards — full of anger, violence, hate, and division.” —Joe Biden

“This is not your father’s Republican Party. This is a totally different party, man. These guys are different. … It’s clear which way the new MAGA Republicans are. They’re extreme. And democracy is really at stake.” —Joe Biden

Lack of Self-Awareness Award

“I said I was running for three reasons. One, to restore the soul America. By that, I meant decency, honor, meaning what you say, literally treating people with some respect.” —Joe Biden

Non Compos Mentis Awards

“You would think that [if] Republicans really cared about reducing inflation, they’d vote for the Inflation Reduction Act.” —Joe Biden

“I really believe this is why God gave us two arms — one for the flu shot and the other one for the COVID shot.” —White House Coronavirus Response Coordinator Dr. Ashish Jha

Braying Jennies

“I’ve been to the border. … I certainly don’t need lectures or invitations from Republicans about the border.” —White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre

“I’m gonna do everything I can to make sure that we have a president who respects our democracy and the rule of law and upholds our institutions.” —Hillary Clinton after saying she won’t run for president again

Veep Thoughts With Kamala

“This sounds quaint, and so I’m reluctant to say it, but, you know, I didn’t eat a grape until I was in my 20s. Like, literally, had never had a grape.” —Vice President Kamala Harris

And Last…

“Imagine if someone walked up and stabbed you a couple of times, then handed you a single bandaid and told you to thank them for the bandaid. Now you understand all of the Biden administration’s policies and messaging.” —Tim Young