Most of America is about to undergo yet another annoying and frustrating time change this weekend as we fall back an hour. We’ve written before — with tongue planted firmly in cheek — that if you don’t want to stay on Daylight Saving Time all year, you’re probably a communist. Because everyone hates each year’s two time changes but no one seems to agree on which time to stay on, we are today going to unabashedly take the ridiculously over-the-top opposite position: Only semi-fascists wouldn’t want to spend the whole year on Standard Time.

Standard Time may be in effect for only four months a year, but that’s because “progressives” ruin everything and took more than their share of the year for Daylight Time. Adding daylight is a leftist lie; daylight can only be redistributed. If we conserve anything at all, if we love anything about this country, it should be something called Standard Time.

The Senate, which also ruins everything, passed the Sunshine Protection Act earlier this year, but American Patriots in the House blocked it.

Daylight Time messes with our “circadian rhythms, sleep-wake cycles and overall health,” The Washington Post tells us. There’s even a fancy graphic at that link to show how tilting the clock sideways to “save daylight” is actually just wrecking your body and your mind.

Think of the children! If Daylight Time was extended all year, children wouldn’t just walk to school in the dark; they might eat lunch and have recess in the pitch black of night. How can our children possibly recover from the pandemic education disaster under such conditions?

Finally, the trump card: Standard Time was created by God Himself in Genesis 1. “Let there be light,” He said, but only during standard hours. Then came Satan in Genesis 3, asking Eve, “Did God really say” the clock is standard? When she moved the hands of the clock forward an hour, all of humanity fell into sin. Now stolen daylight is irrationally extended into the evening hours when only the wicked are still awake and sinning. Righteous people clearly want more light in the morning to help with Bible reading.

In all seriousness, you’d think reasonable people could agree to stop the madness of changing our clocks twice a year, but there are pretty strong feelings on both sides, and that means we’re likely to be stuck with the status quo.