In a recent episode of the popular “Call Her Daddy” podcast, host Alex Cooper made a wild statement. While interviewing actress Sophia Bush, she said that if you’re questioning whether to leave your marriage because you fear you won’t find someone better, “the answer is always yes.”
Bush heartily agreed and then went on to say that it doesn’t matter if you’re too old or if you’ve been told your dating pool is limited; that’s just the patriarchy.
"Call Her Daddy" host Alex Cooper & actress Sophia Bush: if a woman is questioning whether she can do better than her current husband, "the answer is always yes." "This idea that it's too late or you're too old, or who are you to want more, that's patriarchy. That is crazy."
First of all, no one should take marriage advice from these women: one has been married for two and a half years, and the other has been married three times. Cooper, 32, hasn’t even begun to fully take on weathering the challenges of marriage (childrearing, unstable finances, and other marital friction). Bush, 44, has two previous marriages that lasted only a year, give or take, and she’s now married to a woman. Nevertheless, many young women listen to the “Call Her Daddy” podcast and take to heart Cooper’s Millennial brand of feminism.
Why is her advice terrible?
First, it commoditizes human beings. People are not objects; they are complex beings with inherent value. A husband is not the latest iPhone you can simply trade in for a new, hopefully less buggy model. Yet such dehumanizing language is ubiquitous in today’s brand of feminism. Many feminists believe that men are trash and that women should be able to behave just like them to prove their autonomy and sense of self-worth. These same feminists are aborting babies when they find out they are boys.
Second, it glamorizes a lifestyle they either don’t follow or whose consequences they don’t have to worry about because they are so wealthy and privileged. Cooper herself has a lurid past that she talks about freely on her show. However, she is now married and just had her first child this month, so in practical terms, she is denouncing her own previous choices and going with the institution she claims to despise.
In The Free Press, “The Mom Wars” podcast host Kara Kennedy assures us that “sluts settle down.” Cooper is settling down, albeit while still promoting a lifestyle she no longer lives. Why? Because sleeping around and reducing yourself to a body sucks the life out of you, while loving and committing to one person is a thousand times better.
Kennedy also tries to persuade readers that Cooper and “sluts” like her actually like men, so the rest of us who disagree with her choices are just sexually repressed. This premise is incorrect. “Sluts” don’t like men; they like using men for their own physical satisfaction or for other unresolved psychological needs that weren’t met when they were children. You can’t actually have a fondness for men if you see them as disposable.
Sophia Bush has drifted from one failed marriage to another, looking for happiness and fulfillment. But thanks to her wealth and fame, she is shielded from the struggles of the everyday woman. Treating marriage like a constant search for a newer, better spouse has consequences. Dating in this era is already a risky affair; add to it the baggage of multiple failed marriages and the attitude of partner disposability, and a carousel of misery will ensue.
Not to mention, if kids are part of ripping up the family, you’re torching their life, stability, and opportunities. And for what? To check if the grass is indeed greener on the other side? Does your selfishness trump the happiness and needs of your offspring?
This is not to say that there aren’t biblical and legitimate reasons for divorce (abuse and infidelity top the list). But Cooper and Bush aren’t talking about those situations, nor are they taking marriage seriously.
Finally, these women’s advice exposes a trend that we have seen over and over again this year. We’ve seen it with the Lindsay Clancy trial and with the Cornell 7 case: crappy behavior that treats people as disposable is okay, as long as it’s the woman doing it.
This is not a functional, serious, or decent way to live.
Marriage means something. It’s more than a contract written on paper. It’s a covenant between a man, a woman, and God. It’s a promise to live with and take care of each other through thick and thin, knowing temptations will inevitably cross your path. That promise is honor, duty, fidelity, and, most importantly, love. It’s a two-way street — both husband and wife are held to the same standards. It is the solid foundation on which families, and by extension civilizations, are built.
Perhaps the real issue is that our culture is allergic to sacrifice. Our instant-gratification, dopamine-hit culture cannot abide the inconveniences and struggles that come with living with another person. By throwing someone out when things get tough, or even just mildly inconvenient, many people miss the chance to serve someone other than yourself. And that is a crying shame.
