Non Compos Mentis

“Initially, the president of Mexico, El-Sisi, did not want to open up the gate to allow humanitarian material to get in [to Gaza]. I talked to him. I convinced him to open the gate.” —Joe Biden (Abdel Fattah El-Sisi is the president of Egypt, not Mexico.)

“There is only one existential threat we face in the world — that’s the environment. I mean it literally is the existential threat. … There is one existential threat — it’s Donald Trump.” —Joe Biden

“I said, ‘I’m gonna be a president for everybody, whether you live in a red state or a green state.’” —Joe Biden

“Making Roe v. Word — Ward — the law of the land.” —Joe Biden

The BIG Lies

“I did not share classified information.” —Joe Biden (“Biden willfully retained and disclosed classified materials after his vice presidency when he was a private citizen.” —Special Counsel Robert Hur)

“My memory is fine.” —Joe Biden (“We have also considered that, at trial, Mr. Biden would likely present himself to a jury, as he did during our interview of him, as a sympathetic, well-meaning, elderly man with a poor memory.” —Robert Hur)

“I’m well-meaning and I’m an elderly man and I know what the hell I’m doing. I’ve been president. I put this country back on its feet.” —Joe Biden

“I take responsibility for not having seen exactly what my staff was doing.” —Joe Biden

Theater of the Absurd

“Frankly, the reason Republicans turned against [the border bill] was because we did too good a job. … Republicans couldn’t imagine a world in which they didn’t have the border to run on this November.” —Senator Chris Murphy (D-CT)

Saying the Quiet Part Out Loud

“The people we care about most [are] the undocumented Americans that are in this country.” —Chris Murphy

Dumb & Dumber

“This is an impeachment without merit. Secretary Mayorkas has demonstrated no — there is absolutely no evidence for an impeachable offense. It is completely politicized.” —Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY)

“The thing that has distinguished U.S. economic performance from other countries … is the fact that our pro-immigration policies actually allow us to continue in our economic growth, whereas similar countries with anti- or more … closed-border policies experience economic stagnation when they submit themselves to this xenophobic … border panic narrative.” —Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

Upright

“How is it possible that [politicians] don’t realize the level of outrage as our country is being invaded on a daily basis? Well, they probably don’t have to wait hours in a hospital emergency room overrun with illegal aliens. Their kids probably aren’t in schools with students speaking a dozen different languages. They don’t have to worry about their wife being attacked when she’s out shopping by gangs of illegal aliens. A good portion of the country is still working from home. Maybe we should make the politicians work at home more often. That way, they can see what life is like in carjacked Chicago and looted San Francisco. They can see the gang warfare in our schools among gangs that aren’t even American kids.” —Gary Bauer

Useful Idiots

“I’m of the view that the conduct of the response in the Gaza Strip has been over the top.” —Joe Biden

“Israelis were dehumanized in the most horrific way on October 7th. The hostages have been demonized every day since. But that cannot be a license to dehumanize others.” —Secretary of State Antony Blinken chastising Israel

More BIG Lies

“The Treasury Department has been extremely aggressive and very vigilant about sanctions on the Iranian regime.” —Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen

“The high prices were not caused by Bidenomics.” —Janet Yellen

“We don’t have to get the prices down because wages are going up.” —Janet Yellen

For the Record

“Anyone who owns a car or a home is stuck with astronomically higher expenses just to keep the thing they already own. And that goes a long way to explaining the worry among consumers. … The skyrocketing fixed cost of maintaining ownership of an asset is enough to drive anyone to despair, no matter how many ‘Everything Is Awesome’ stories Democrat media propagandists churn out.” —Nate Jackson

Friendly Fire

“If you tell people they live in a good economy, and they don’t think they do, they think that you don’t understand their lives. … I don’t agree that [Democrats] should go out and tell people how great this economy is.” —Democrat strategist James Carville

Belly Laughs of the Day

“I’m the most qualified person in this country to be president of the United States and finish the job I started.” —Joe Biden

“When people see what’s happening on the ground in their districts, that’s when it really sinks in — the great work that happened under President Biden and with House Democrats last Congress.” —Congresswoman Suzan DelBene (D-WA)

“That’s what the American people want … a Congress that will help President Biden finish the job.” —House Minority Whip Katherine Clark (D-MA)

Lack of Self-Awareness

“The last time I checked … we were a nation based on the rule of law, not on the rule of individual men.” —Hillary “Rules for Thee but Not for Me” Clinton

Can’t Fix Stupid

“Why did Trump believe Putin more than our 11 intelligence agencies? I think I do have a working theory.” —Hillary Clinton