The BIG Lie

“He does not.” —Biden attorney Bob Bauer when asked, “Does the president have any memory problems?”

Delusions of Grandeur

“Joe is 81, that’s true, but he’s 81 doing more in an hour than most people do in a day.” —Jill Biden

“[Biden] is sharp. He is on top of things.” —White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre

“This kind of sense that he’s not ready for this job is just a bucket of BS that’s so deep your boots will get stuck.” —Biden senior adviser Mitch Landrieu

“Joe Biden’s mental acuity is very, very on. He’s one of the smartest, sharpest people I’ve met in DC.” —Congresswoman Mary Peltola (D-AK)

“The most difficult part about a meeting with President Biden is preparing for it. Because he is sharp, intensely probing, and detail oriented, and focused.” —DHS Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas

Moving the Goalposts

“There’s a significant distinction that you have to draw between documents that have classified markings on them and President Biden’s notes taken from classified documents. … On their face, those notes would not have markings and it would not necessarily be obvious that they contained classified information.” —Congressman Dan Goldman (D-NY)

Circling the Wagons

“There’s no evidence here that [Biden] was intentionally holding on or had any intent to disclose this information, you know, beyond the immediate realm that he held.” —Dan Goldman

“Joe Biden and Donald Trump and most elected officials make small gaffes… That’s not what matters. We are in a fight for the soul of our nation. And the idea that somehow Joe Biden forgot the date of his son’s death is offensive and appalling. And what [the media] should be focused on … is the ways that Donald Trump is undermining rule of law, democracy, and our safety as a nation.” —Senator Chris Coons (D-DE)

“This is a report that went off the rails. … Along with a legal conclusion comes this flood of characterizations, factual misstatements, pejorative comments about the president that are inconsistent with DOJ policy and norms.” —Bob Bauer

“This special counsel report is an unfortunate deviation from the norms that guide the Department of Justice."—Alejandro Mayorkas

For the Record

"Joe Biden is the first official ever to be cleared by a special counsel for reasons of mental incompetence.” —Rich Lowry

Dog & Pony Show

“When you have a president that has been one of the most productive, if not the most productive and effective presidents in modern time, that, you would assume, is a president that is indeed in touch with where the American people are. … So, in our opinion, in my opinion, he is very much in touch with what Americans are feeling out there.” —Karine Jean-Pierre

“There’s not a problem. This president is going to be able to sell a record that is extraordinary.” —Senator Chris Murphy (D-CT)

“Not only is [Biden] fit to do the job, he’s doing a hell of a damn job, right? If he was weak … he wouldn’t have driven the economy to such great success.” —Senator Alex Padilla (D-CA)

Village Idiot

“We won the pandemic economically. … Inflation is not insane.” —Bill Maher

More BIG Lies

“Growth is strong, wages are rising, inflation is down. In fact, the costs have fallen from everything from a gallon of gas to a gallon of milk. We know prices are still too high because of what I call greedflation and shrinkflation.” —Joe Biden

“After [Trump] did not move on making sure that we dealt with vaccinating the American public, we ended up losing over a million people.” —Joe Biden

“A lot of allies and partners had a lot of questions when we came into office because they didn’t feel valued. They didn’t feel respected. They didn’t feel like the United States was willing to continue to lead on the world stage, and we’ve proven that we are.” —National Security Council spokesman John Kirby

Lack of Self-Awareness

“Together we’re making a big difference bringing this country together and not tearing it apart.” —Joe Biden

“We are talking about someone [Trump] that literally may start World War III.” —Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett (D-TX)

Fact-Check: False

“These are human beings who are coming to our country following the legal asylum process as it stands right now. … They’re following the law.” —New York Governor Kathy Hochul

Can’t Fix Stupid

“I am very concerned about it. It wouldn’t be the first time that Russia’s intervened in our election. It wouldn’t be the first time they’ve done it to try to help elect Donald Trump. … They feel beleaguered, and here comes Donald Trump, a real life line.” —Congressman Adam Schiff (D-CA)

Dumb & Dumber

“The spirit of Aloha clashes with a federally mandated lifestyle that lets citizens walk around with deadly weapons during day-to-day activities.” —Hawaii Supreme Court

“The history of the Hawaiian Islands does not include a society where armed people move about the community to possibly combat the deadly aims of others.” —Hawaii Supreme Court

Non Compos Mentis

“Where’s her husband? Oh, he’s away… . What happened to her husband? Where is he? He’s gone.” —Donald Trump on Nikki Haley’s husband, who’s a major in the U.S. Army National Guard currently serving an active-duty deployment as a staff officer in the 218th Maneuver Enhancement Brigade in Djibouti

Belly Laugh of the Day

“I’m vice president of the United States. Anything that I handle is because it’s a tough issue.” —Kamala Harris