Useful Idiots

“Dear university students in the United States of America, you are standing on the right side of history. You have now formed a branch of the Resistance Front and have begun an honorable struggle in the face of your government’s ruthless pressure — which openly supports Zionists.” —Iranian Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei (“When you’ve won the Ayatollah, you’ve lost America.” —House Speaker Mike Johnson)

Race Bait

“[Trump] is the same guy who wanted to tear gas you as you peacefully protested George Floyd’s murder. The same guy who still calls the Central Park Five guilty, even though they were exonerated. He’s that landlord who denies housing applications because of the color of your skin.” —Joe Biden to black voters

Pot Calling the Kettle Black

“They’re going to turn off those mics so that somebody can’t ramble or scream at somebody — you know, not that my husband would be the one doing that. … But I think the American people deserve a debate because you need to see your choices. You need to see Trump and you need to see the president. And you need to see the differences. And my husband’s — and you’re going to see how smart he is and the experience he has, and then you’ll see somebody who … can’t put a sentence together.” —Jill Biden

For the Record

“Think of [Biden and Trump’s] upcoming debate as a boxing match between an Olympic heavyweight and a 12-year-old child with a limp. We all expect the Olympic heavyweight to beat the 12-year-old child with a limp to a pulp … but we also know that the Olympic heavyweight will then be judged for cruelly beating a 12-year-old child with a limp to a pulp. … In a strange twist of fate, much like Biden’s history of grief, he’s managed to turn his obvious mental fragility into a shield. This is why Republicans cannot underestimate Joe Biden.” —Ian Haworth

Projection

“Can you imagine if we put anymore Republicans on the Supreme Court? … We will lose all of our rights.” —Jill Biden (Democrats are the ones stripping God-given rights by making up nonexistent ones.)

Delusions of Grandeur

“We are in a better place now. … Joe has done amazing things for this country, and we have to get the message out.” —Jill Biden

“My husband … is calm and steady and strong and has character and integrity.” —Jill Biden

Dumb & Dumber

“We’re doing all we can to lower costs.” —Council of Economic Advisers Chairman Jared Bernstein (If that were true, the government would stop spending money we don’t have.)

“We are also lowering the price of gas, including by selling one million barrels of gasoline from the Northeast Gasoline Supply Reserve.” —White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre

The BIG Lie

“The president has taken some actions … over the last three years to deal with what we’re seeing at the border.” —Karine Jean-Pierre

Shot/Chaser

“The president doesn’t make decisions and he doesn’t execute on policy based on public opinion polling or on popularity contests. He bases his decisions on our own national security interests.” —National Security Council spokesman John Kirby

“Biden, a politician all his adult life, is defined by just that — politics. No word, no act emanates from our president that does not emerge from some political calculation.” —Star Parker

Political Futures

“Here are a few signs of a losing campaign: No. 1: Poll denial. No. 2: Inability to shift course. No. 3: Celebrity cameos. Welcome to Joe Biden’s 2024 campaign.” —Ben Shapiro

“The problem with Biden’s obvious and continued mental collapse … is that our expectations have also collapsed. The brutal fact is that we expect so little from Biden that it’s almost impossible for him to disappoint.” —Ian Haworth

“I notice that pollsters have regularly asked voters whether a conviction would change their opinion about voting for Trump, but have rarely asked whether an acquittal would change their opinion about voting for Trump.” —Jim Geraghty

Lawfare

“If charges are so byzantine that it is hard to convince reasonable people that a crime even occurred, then maybe Manhattan prosecutors should not have charged Trump with 34 felony counts that could result in a maximum of 136 years in prison over what is basically a bookkeeping matter. But such is the state of our justice system today.” —Byron York

“Remember, the only reason this preposterous case was brought is because Joe Biden is a weak, dishonest, and failed president who can’t run on his record.” —Senator Tom Cotton (R-AR)

And Last…

“I’m sure [Ilhan] Omar could give you a detailed history of every Islamic holiday on the calendar. It’s the American holidays that so many leftists are ignorant about.” —Gary Bauer

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Follow Jordan Candler on X/Twitter.