Non Sequitur

“As you know, former President Donald Trump is expected to go campaign in Howell, Michigan… Many people are aware that a month ago in Howell, KKK protesters marched in the streets with the white robes on and suggested that they support Donald Trump.” —ABC News’s Linsey Davis

Non Compos Mentis

“JD Vance calls pregnancy resulting from rape ‘inconvenient.’ … I mean, it is a — make him go through this.” —Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear

Braying Jenny

“JD Vance likes to talk about how he’s from Ohio, but as soon as he could, he ran away to Yale and Silicon Valley, cozying up with billionaires while trashing our communities.” —Congresswoman Joyce Beatty (D-OH)

The BIG Lies

“When folks marched with tiki torches in Charlottesville, Virginia, and literally chanted, ‘Jews will not replace us,’ what did Donald Trump do? … He said what? ‘There were good people on both sides.’” —Pennsylvania Governor Josh Shapiro

“Donald Trump said, and I quote, ‘There were very fine people on both sides.’ My God. That’s what he said. That is what he said and what he meant.” —Joe Biden

“Trump when in Europe would not go to the [service members’] gravesites. … He called them ‘suckers and losers.’” —Joe Biden

“[Trump’s] promising a bloodbath if he loses, in his words. And that he’ll be a dictator on Day One, in his own words.” —Joe Biden

“During the pandemic, Kamala and I helped states and cities get their schools back open.” —Joe Biden

“There are fewer border crossings today than when Donald Trump left office.” —Joe Biden

“[This] administration … has less crossings at the southern border on a daily basis than were happening at the end of the Trump administration.” —Senator Chris Murphy (D-CT)

Delusions of Grandeur

“We’ve gone from economic crisis to the strongest economy in the world.” —Joe Biden

“Kamala and Tim will continue to take on corporate greed and bring down cost of food.” —Joe Biden

“Kamala has been offering the American people enlightened proposals and visionary leadership.” —Congressman Jim Clyburn (D-SC)

“You want to talk about inflation? Inflation went up in every country after COVID, but we brought inflation down in this country.” —Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg

“It turns out, [Joe Biden’s] really good at being president of the United States.” —Pete Buttigieg (“Biden is SO GOOD, in fact, that Democrats booted him off the ticket in the most humiliating way possible.” —RNC)

Dumb & Dumber

“Violent crime has dropped to its lowest level in more than 50 years. And crime will keep coming down when we put a prosecutor in the Oval Office — instead of a convicted felon.” —Joe Biden

“Protecting the First Amendment right. That’s what we’ve done. We’ve done that. Here’s what the failure is: an extreme Republican Party that doesn’t believe in democracy, an extreme Republican Party that attacked this country, an extreme Republican Party with Gov. Abbott attacking the city of Chicago. That’s what’s extreme. That’s what the failure is.” —Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson

Belly Laugh of the Day

“Part of the reason why we ran a little late is because every single person got rounds of applause for what they were saying.” —DNC Chair Jaime Harrison

And Last…

“Biden is known in his career as being one of the best eulogy givers at funerals. And now they’re making him come and give his own career eulogy.” —Republican strategist Scott Jennings