Straight From the Horse’s Mouth

“Let’s be clear. My values have not changed.” —Kamala Harris

For the Record

“Harris claimed, ‘I haven’t changed my values.’ Maybe not, but she sure has changed her positions to attract the independent voters she must have to win the all-important swing states. … Commentators who claim she is ‘racing toward the middle’ mean she is making a pragmatic journey to get votes, not something born out of conviction.” —Cal Thomas

Delusions of Grandeur

“I have served with President Biden for almost four years now. And I’ll tell ya, it’s one of the greatest honors of my career. Truly. He cares so deeply about the American people. He is so smart and loyal to the American people. … He has the intelligence, the commitment, and the judgment and disposition that I think the American people rightly deserve in their president.” —Kamala Harris

“I think history is gonna show not only has Joe Biden led an administration that has achieved those extraordinary successes, but the character of the man is one that he has been in his life and career, including as a president, quite selfless and puts the American people first.” —Kamala Harris

“I am running because I believe that I am the best person to do this job at this moment for all Americans.” —Kamala Harris

The BIG Lies

“My first thought was not about me, to be honest with you. My first thought was about him.” —Kamala Harris regarding the Joe Biden coup

“When Joe Biden and I came in office during the height of a pandemic, we saw over 10 million jobs were lost. … Hundreds of people a day were dying because of COVID. The economy had crashed. In large part, all of that because of mismanagement by Donald Trump of that crisis.” —Kamala Harris

“Today, we know that we have inflation at under 3%. A lot of our policies have led to the reality that America recovered faster than any wealthy nation around the world.” —Kamala Harris

“The root causes work that I did as vice president, that I was asked to do by the president, has actually resulted in a number of benefits.” —Kamala Harris

“We have laws that have to be followed and enforced that address and deal with people who cross our border illegally. … I would enforce our laws as president going forward. I recognize the problem.” —Kamala Harris

“I have spent my career inviting diversity of opinion.” —Kamala Harris

Lack of Self-Awareness Award

“One of my highest priorities is to do what we can to support and strengthen the middle class.” —Kamala Harris

World’s Smallest Violin

“My wife the English teacher told me my grammar’s not always correct. But again, if it’s not this, it’s an attack on my children for showing love for me, or it’s an attack on my dog.” —Tim Walz when asked, “The idea that you said that you were in war, did you misspeak, as the campaign has said?”

Belly Laughs of the Day

“I certainly own my mistakes when I make ‘em.” —Tim Walz

“[Harris] is a homework doer.” —CNN’s Abby Phillip

Dezinformatsiya

“Harris was not the border czar.” —CNN’s John Berman

Political Futures

“A lot of pro-life activists have worked for a very long time to eradicate abortion. At a time they are on defense, the presidential candidate they are backing turning his back on them too feels raw and feels like a betrayal for them. … Pardoning those who went to prison for praying at abortion clinics would be one way to remind those voters that there really are differences between the two sides that matter in the real world. Emphasizing regulatory control is another. Trying to change the message in the middle of a campaign through improvisation will end badly.” —Erick Erickson

And Last…

“Somehow, in the whirlwind of campaign 2024, we have reached the point where it’s news that the Democratic nominee for president of the United States of America will answer questions from the press.” —Matthew Continetti