The BIG Lies

“Florida has banned 23 pf [sic] my books.” —author Stephen King

“Republicans don’t support cleaning up and addressing the border.” —Senator Chris Murphy (D-CT)

“Somebody said, ‘What’s next? Child labor?’ Hell yeah. … That’s what [Republicans will] do.” —Tim Walz

“As president, Trump blocked overtime for millions of workers.” —Tim Walz

“[Trump will] enact a nationwide abortion ban, with or without Congress.” —Kamala Harris

“The Biden-Harris administration did a lot to ride those prices and bring them down.” —Illinois Governor JB Pritzker

Lack of Self-Awareness Award

“Remember all the talk? ‘Biden got elected and he’s going to do a planned economy. We’re going to collapse, and there’s going to be all this caving in. Interest rates are going to go through the ceiling.’ C'mon, man!” —Joe Biden

Delusions of Grandeur

“Joe Biden has been one of the most transformative presidents in the United States that we have ever witnessed.” —Kamala Harris

Shot/Chaser

“They [Joe Biden and Kamala Harris] were with them [13 fallen service members] at the dignified transfer.” —NBC News’s “Meet the Press” host Kristen Welker

“On our broadcast this morning, we incorrectly implied that both President Biden and Vice President Harris attended the dignified transfer of 13 American service members killed during the Afghanistan withdrawal. Biden was in attendance but Harris was not.” —"Meet the Press"

For the Record

“If we have government content police, we are likely to have politics interfering with Americans’ access to information. Is there misinformation spread over the internet? Of course, yes. But there is misinformation spread every day in The New York Times, on CNN and talk radio, and even by government agencies like the Bureau of Labor Statistics.” —Stephen Moore

“American democracy isn’t dying in darkness. It’s dying right out in the open while the political and media elite cheer its demise.” —Victor Joecks

Belly Laughs of the Day

“The first decision I made as the nominee in 2020 was selecting [Harris] as my vice president. And by the way, it was the single best decision I made as president of the United States America.” —Joe Biden, clarifying how bad all of his other decisions have been

“[Harris] has a backbone like a ramrod. She has the moral compass of a saint.” —Joe Biden

Village Idiot

“Just very excited about moving forward and all the energy and excitement that’s around this movement right now. So that’s why I’m here, because it’s time for change, and it seems like it’s happening [with Harris].” —actor Ben Stiller, who apparently does not know Harris is already in office

Non Compos Mentis

“Americans have long assumed that the Constitution could save us; a growing chorus now wonders whether we need to be saved from it.” —The New York Times’s Jennifer Szalai in, “The Constitution Is Sacred. Is It Also Dangerous?”

Friendly Fire

“I’m 100% opposed to all his ideology.” — Tim Walz’s older brother, Jeff Walz

“The stories I could tell. Not the type of character you want making decisions about your future.” —Jeff Walz

And Last…

“The reputation that RFK Jr.‘s siblings are trying to preserve is a fabrication, the truth of which is lying at the bottom of a river in Chappaquiddick.” —Christine Flowers

“I want to see Kamala speak to an all Asian crowd to hear what her accent would be…” —Tim Young