Argus Hamilton: “U.S. Special Forces landed in Libya and captured the leader of the attack on our consulate in Benghazi three years ago. The terrorist was immediately placed on a transport ship back to Washington D.C. Now the president has to work fast to beat the July 1st trading deadline.”

Argus Hamilton: “Joe Biden was in the stands Monday to cheer the U.S. soccer team in its victory over Ghana in the opening game in the World Cup. Afterwards he got a congratulatory call from the president. Joe made it through the entire game without causing an international incident.”

Argus Hamilton: “The White House added to its edicts of killing coal, opening the border, and altering the ACA Tuesday by canceling the property rights of the Redskins owner. It’s the only way they can govern. Barack Obama’s approval rating is so low now, the only thing he’s above is the law.”

Frank J. Fleming: Obama: “There will be no boots on the ground in Iraq… not with our new HOVER TECHNOLOGY!”

Jimmy Kimmel: Starbucks has teamed up with Arizona State University to create a program that will pay for Starbucks employees to get a college degree. Starbucks is doing this because without an educated workforce, nobody will be able to afford $10 for a cup of coffee.

Seth Meyers: A messaging app that is capable of sending and receiving only the word “Yo” raised $1 million from investors. It’s too bad they couldn’t see the whole message, which was, “Yo, this is a bad investment.”

Conan O'Brien: President Obama’s approval rating in the US is at its lowest point ever, 41%. After hearing this, the president said, “When did I become less popular in this country than soccer?”

Fred Thompson: “In World Cup Soccer action, USA defeated Ghana 2-1. President Obama promised to make a personal visit to the country to bow in apology.”