For the record: “[China] was going systematically around the world vacuuming up all of the personal protective equipment that people in America … would need to defend themselves.” —Trump economic advisor Peter Navarro

Political futures: “The Paycheck Protection Program ran out of money … because Democrats, led by Nancy Pelosi, blocked the necessary $250 billion replenishment for the program that Congressional Republicans tried to deliver. Now ‘Nancy Antoinette’ has to explain to America why she chose to show off her luxury refrigerators and … ice cream collection from her chateau in San Francisco instead of funding the Paycheck Protection Program which has saved millions of jobs all across the country.” —Republican National Committee

Never let a crisis go to waste: “Coronavirus gives us an opportunity to revamp our electoral system so that it permanently becomes more inclusive and becomes easier for the American people to access. It would be foolhardy to take these pro-democracy measures off the table after we get on the other side of the virus. These are changes that we should make permanent because it will enhance our democracy.” —Eric Holder

Friendly fire: “I think it’s legitimate to talk about these things. And if we want, if we again want to have integrity, you can’t say both believe women, support all of this, until it inconveniences you, until it inconveniences us.” —Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez on Joe Biden (That being the case, wandering minds want to know: Would she say the same thing if the allegation was against Bernie?)

Double standards: “Skepticism about accusations only when they are made against someone with whom we are ideologically aligned is not high-minded — it is intellectually dishonest. And yet. Reflexive acceptance of any and all allegations of sexual misconduct against any man is not staunch feminism — it is dangerous credulity that risks doing terrible injustice to the accused. #BelieveAllWomen was a dumb hashtag and a dumber approach to inevitably complex, fact-bound situations.” —The Washington Post’s Ruth Marcus (“Marcus was an avid defender of Dr. Ford during the Kavanaugh hearings, even going so far as to suggest that Kavanaugh did not deserve the benefit of the doubt. Ultimately, Marcus decides that the #BelieveAllWomen movement is now problematic because the movement’s primary target is, of course, an ally and not an opponent.” —Emily Zanotti)

Oxymoron for the ages: “We stopped elective surgeries here in Michigan, and some people have tried to say that that type of a procedure [abortion] is considered the same, and that’s ridiculous. You know, a woman’s healthcare, her whole future, her ability to decide if and when she starts a family is not an election, it is a fundamental to her life. It is life-sustaining, and it’s something that government should not be getting in the middle of.” —Michigan Democrat Gov. Gretchen Whitmer, who has no problem inserting the government almost everywhere else

Braying jackass: “What bothers me, what bothers me so much, is the president of the United States doesn’t take responsibility. … Nothing is his fault. Nothing is his responsibility.” —Joe Biden

Village idiot: “Last month was the first March without a school shooting in the United States since 2002. It took all schools to be closed and everyone forced to be inside because of a pandemic, but we finally did it.” —Chelsea Handler

And last… “The coronavirus epidemic is proof of the Founders’ wisdom. Whatever one thinks about how different states have reacted, the decentralized approach is preferable to letting any single politician in Washington, D.C., Republican or Democrat, dictate the terms by which 330 million people approach an unprecedented crisis.” —Timothy Sandefur