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Paige Cashion / January 18, 2013

Yes, Thank You, I’m Racist!

Oh, good. They’re playing the race card… again.

About gun control?…REALLY? How is this even possible?

People, who are against banning semi-automatic weapons and who have been against banning semi-automatic weapons for their entire adult lives, are now racist? I’m sorry did I miss a memo? Did they go and change the meaning of the darn thing? Was I too busy being married, raising a daughter, chairing the meals committee for the sick, at church, and having too many back surgeries to pay attention to its evolving etymology?

I despise racism. My grandmother, God bless her soul, was racist. She died recently at the age of 105, and she was part of that generation where racism was rampant. I used to sit in her living room, in Dallas, and just cringe when the phone rang, callers responding to her newspaper ad for ‘Rooms to Rent’ in her big, old house. She’d quickly identify them, by voice alone, over the phone, and proceed to tell them “I don’t rent my rooms to Nigras.” Ohhhh! That vile word and her vile actions! I’d feel the gall rise in my throat. I confronted her once, and she just smiled, smugly, “Yes, you’ve been brainwashed…”

This was racism – blocking opportunities for people, for no other reason than the color of their skin. And yes, it still exists in some people, today. And yes, it’s abhorrent.

But have they changed the meaning of the word? I mean, I hear it thrown around constantly now, in the oddest places, all of which, suddenly, apply to me:

“You didn’t vote for Obama, because you’re a conservative? You’re racist!

“You’re a conservative against socialized health-care? You’re racist!

“You have a problem with a government official appearing repeatedly on television, providing false information to the American public? You’re racist!

“You’re against gun control and infringement of the 2nd Amendment? You’re racist!

To me, these are all perfectly logical philosophical positions to hold, in and of themselves. And the interjection of race seems bizarrely out of place. What am I missing, here?

I learned, recently, that a lot of word meanings have changed, so it’s possible I’m taking offense where none is intended. As a high school teacher, for instance, I learned that ‘fly’ isn’t just something birds do, or that you do on a plane. It means ‘to be cruel, mean, or bigoted’, as in, “Man, that’s fly! Don’t give us extra homework, Miss!” (I’m sorry, but when the question is, “Who wrote Macbeth?” and three of you answer, Beowulf, I think a little extra homework is in order…). And the word ‘swag’ isn’t just a reference to the tops of my living room curtains. It’s another word for ‘cool’, ‘style’, or just about anything you want it to mean, actually. It originated in prison, and stood for, “Secretly We Are Gay”. These days, it’s primarily used in place of the words “cool/style”, as in, “I got swag, Miss!” as he shows off his new jeans.

A grill isn’t just for Bar-B-Que, anymore, it’s a gold thingy you wear on your front teeth when you’ve just got to look like the corner pimp and if you’re going out with a lot of friends, you’re gonna ‘roll deep’. And, racist… you’re racist if you’re … hold the phone, that’s it. There IS a new definition for ‘racist’ and we conservatives are just too out of touch to know it.

Racist now means ‘far too logical’.


“You didn’t vote for Obama, because you’re a conservative?! You’re far too logical!

“You’re against socialized health-care, and you’re a conservative? You’re far too logical!

“You have a problem with a government official appearing repeatedly on television, providing false information to the American public? You’re far too logical!

Oh…I feel so much better, now!

I’m a conservative, against gun control.

Yes, thank you, I’m racist!

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