Roger Clemens released his list of witnesses for his perjury trial in Washington. They include Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa and Barry Bonds. None of them will make it into the Hall of Fame because they cheated, but they’re still in the running to be Atlanta’s Teacher of the Year.

The Wall Street Journal reported that American kids failed a recent U.S. history test given nationwide. It’s appalling. Three-fourths of American kids knew that we gained our independence from Great Britain but no one knew the date we lost our independence to China.

Spain kicked off its bullfighting season with its Running of the Bulls in Pamplona this past week. Young men tear through the streets in front of charging bulls for the thrill of outrunning death. Americans get the same thrill from outrunning the Chinese before the debt limit expires.

Homeland Security warned al-Qaeda is planning to attack U.S. airliners with bombs surgically implanted in passengers. No one wants to think about TSA security now. Everybody with an appendix scar is going to be pulled out of line and interrogated, unless they look Muslim.

The Robert Wood Johnson Foundation ran a national survey finding that the South led the nation in obesity rates. The percentage of obesity increased in sixteen states last year, raising real concern. One fourth of all Americans now weigh as much as the other three-fourths.

The White House negotiated with the Republicans all weekend to try to get a budget deal so they can raise the debt limit. Democrats said that if the debt ceiling isn’t raised the U.S. government will cease to function. It’s just another craven campaign promise they’ll never keep.

Boeing engineers reported they have designed a high speed passenger jet that could fly from New York to London in just an hour. The Democrats already resent the idea. In the interest of equality passengers will be required to arrive at the airport seven hours early.

President Obama vowed to continue White House budget negotiations until both parties agree to settle. He admitted he was willing to alter Social Security. That night Nancy Pelosi called Hillary Clinton and asked how you get away with throwing a lamp at the president.

The Space Shuttle Atlantis took off for the Space Station for the final flight of the program. It’s the end of an era. Obama canceled all future space shuttle missions to the Space Station and back because no one could find an electric cord two hundred and twenty miles ong.

The Major League Baseball All-Star Game was played in Phoenix Tuesday amid fan gripes that too many stars bypassed the event. Forty-two star players didn’t make it to Phoenix for the game. It really wasn’t necessary because Arizona’s immigration law isn’t being enforced yet.

An Arizona Diamondbacks fan fell over a railing lunging for a ball in the Home Run Derby Monday but his pals caught him by his ankles. He dangled upside down twenty feet in the air without spilling a drop of his beer. The next morning Exxon hired him to manage their pipelines.

The American Federation of Teachers said the union will defend teachers caught cheating to improve student test scores on standardized tests. It’s robbing our children of their education. How are they ever going to learn to cheat if the teachers keep doing it for them?

The House Oversight Committee began investigating the White House for granting donors access to the White House chef. The president really took a chance doing this. No one’s supposed to know the White House chef is actually cooking with frozen peas and Snickers bars.

© Copyright 2010 Argus Hamilton