Burt Prelutsky / Sep. 1, 2011

A Memo to Obama

Mr. Obama: You and Maxine Waters, Sheila Jackson Lee, Charley Rangel and Lewis Farrakhan, would like to believe that the reason I despise you is because you're black or half-black or half-Muslim, but the truth is that your racial and religious makeup is probably the least odious thing about you.

How do I despise you? Let me, like the poets, count the ways.

Mr. Obama: You and Maxine Waters, Sheila Jackson Lee, Charley Rangel and Lewis Farrakhan, would like to believe that the reason I despise you is because you’re black or half-black or half-Muslim, but the truth is that your racial and religious makeup is probably the least odious thing about you.

How do I despise you? Let me, like the poets, count the ways.

You promised to have a post-racial administration, and a lot of people foolishly assumed that meant that race would be placed on the back burner. But, then, those very same dunderheads assumed that the change you promised was a synonym for improvement. I can only assume that when you vowed to radically transform America, they figured you would somehow make them all rich, smart and good-looking.

You received over 90% of the black vote and, in gratitude, you appointed a black racist named Eric Holder to be your Attorney General. He was the schmuck who not only refused to prosecute black thugs for intimidating white voters, but insisted that his Department of Justice would not investigate such matters unless it was minority voters who claimed they were being intimidated.

This is the same Eric Holder who, four months after Border Patrol Agent Brian Perry had been murdered with one of the weapons identified as having been part of the “Fast and Furious” gun-running scandal, claimed he was unaware of any such operation. For good measure, three of the ATF supervisors who oversaw the disaster have been recently promoted. That might be one way to keep them from cooperating with Congress and ratting out those who were actually responsible for allowing hundreds of automatic weapons to wind up in the hands of Mexico’s drug cartels.

You generate class and race warfare by insisting that taxes be raised on the wealthy so that you and your enablers can continue to rake in black and Hispanic votes, when you are well-aware that the top three oil companies in 2010 paid about $43 billion in taxes and that super-wealthy individuals pay roughly 60% of all income taxes, while half the country pays zilch. And that, oddly enough, is exactly what G.E. paid last year. If you recall, that is the company run by your old chum, America’s job czar, Jeffrey Immelt.

In explaining why, even after running up an additional $4 trillion in debt, the nation’s economy is barely breathing, you blame George Bush, Republicans, the Tea Party and my own personal favorite, bad luck. I only wish I’d been that imaginative when I was in high school and getting a “C” in geometry. The best I could come up with was that our dog ate my homework, and we didn’t even have a dog. You have placed the blame on earthquakes, tsunamis, the Arab Spring and, if I recall, sun spots and Kim Kardashian’s wedding.

You have also placed the blame for the economy on a recalcitrant Congress. Clearly, it is your plan to run against Congress in 2012, just as Harry Truman did in 1948. One major problem with that strategy is that the Republicans controlled the House and Senate in those days. Today, the GOP only controls the House. And prior to the 2010 elections, the Democrats had run the House and Senate for the previous four years, and the White House for two. And what did America have to show for it? The short list includes the collapse of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, a trillion dollar stimulus, nine percent unemployment and ObamaCare.

The trouble with luck is that it’s very fickle. Perhaps good luck didn’t appreciate being ignored when jihadists weren’t able to ignite bombs in a plane over Detroit or a car in Times Square and, instead of your going on TV to credit luck with saving thousands of innocent lives, your head of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, arrogantly announced that the two miraculous mishaps were proof that America’s security couldn’t be in better hands.

In spite of deciding that you have the authority to bestow amnesty on millions of illegal aliens, this cheap political ploy will not be enough to get you re-elected. Instead, it merely convinces moderates, independents and the wiser members of the Hispanic community, that the Constitution is on a par with a used napkin so far as you’re concerned.

The fact is, nobody who didn’t vote for you last time will vote for you in 2012, whereas millions who did, won’t. Not since the advent of the Edsel and the new Coke has an over-hyped product turned off more Americans than you. It’s no coincidence that the Democrats have lost scores of elections since 2008, and among the most embarrassing of these defeats were those in which you hit the stump the most often.

My suggestion is that like a pitcher who has lost 10 mph off his fastball, you announce your retirement by insisting that even though you still love baseball, your teammates and the fans, you just want to be able to spend more quality time with your family.

Then you could donate the billion dollars you would have squandered on your re-election campaign to the U.S. Treasury to help pay down the obscene debt you ran up. In legal circles, it’s called restitution. In religious circles, it’s called paying for your sins. In sporting circles, it’s called throwing in the towel. In my circle, it would be called a national holiday.

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