From The Comedy Store
Herman Cain alleged the sexual harassment accusations against him were set up by the Democratic Party machine. How is that possible? Everyone knows that for Democrats sexual misconduct is not a disqualifier for public office, it’s a requirement.
The FCC took over TV and radio signals to test the Emergency Broadcast System in case of attack. They called it a success although the Pacific Northwest didn’t get the signal at all. If anyone has nothing to worry about it’s the states closest to North Korea.
The GOP presidential candidates held a debate on CNBC where they took turns bashing China as the source of U.S. economic woes. The rhetoric got very nasty. If Chinese leaders watched this debate they must wonder about the country they just bought.
Newt Gingrich surged into contention for the GOP nomination in the polls after another strong debate performance. The rise has been effortless. He’s surged from fifth to second by sticking to his strategy of not being any of the other GOP candidates.
Herman Cain alleged the sexual harassment accusations against him were set up by the Democratic Party machine. How is that possible? Everyone knows that for Democrats sexual misconduct is not a disqualifier for public office, it’s a requirement.
Herman Cain apologized for referring to Nancy Pelosi as Princess Nancy. He’s on schedule. After three months of scrutiny, every presidential campaign has one male candidate who has to apologize for everything he ever said to a woman or about a woman.
The White House delayed building the Canadian oil pipeline across the U.S. until after the election. Environmentalists say oil would get into the groundwater. Does President Obama realize how many votes he would get if every toilet in America became an oil well?
President Obama surged in the Gallup Poll to pull even with the Generic Republican on the ballot. The generic Republican had a bad week. It’s now clear that Mitt Romney will say anything to get elected while Rick Perry would get elected if he could say anything.
McDonald’s began testing test carrots, blueberries, and snow peas to replace French fries in Happy Meals. Sales are way up. In the last few weeks they tested apple slices instead of fries and it’s tripled the orders for a Happy Meal plus a large order of fries.
The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops met in Baltimore with an agenda that includes hiring a lobbyist to represent church interests. It’s worth a shot. They think they can get a half-billion dollar government loan for research into praying for better weather.
The White House handed a big no-bid contract to Siga Pharmaceuticals for a smallpox vaccine. It’s owned by donor Ron Perelman. Smallpox was eradicated thirty years ago and the FDA ruled this is evidence that the donor’s new drug is safe and effective.
Jay-Z began marketing Occupy All Streets t-shirts to cash in on the Occupy Wall Street movement. He sells them for twenty-two dollars but gives no royalties to the protesters. You know the revolution’s over when the participants are making ten bucks for every t-shirt and complaining about the twenty cents China charged them for the fabric.
President Obama caused a flap in Hawaii by saying America had grown lazy and aimless in the past few decades. He’s absolutely right. Just think of where this country would be if we had all improved our game by four strokes the way he did last year.
President Obama committed a verbal gaffe at his televised Hawaii press conference by referring to Hawaii as part of Asia. You’d think he’d know the location of his birth place. Three times in the last year he’s referred to Kenya as the Jewel of India.
© Copyright 2011 Argus Hamilton
