From The Comedy Store
The Justice Department vowed to challenge the legality of Alabama‘s illegal immigration law. The way the law verifies your citizenship is pretty foolproof. They ask you a math and science question and if you get it wrong you were born in the United States.
Wal-Mart opened on Thanksgiving Day where Wall Street protesters tried to disrupt business. It didn’t go as planned. The protesters walked into the store to overthrow the capitalist system and they walked out with flat-screen TVs for just two hundred dollars.
Al-Jazeera TV network announced it’s set to launch its own entertainment and sports cable network for daily broadcast throughout the Middle East. Their sports are tedious in the Arab world. Every game of volleybomb ends in a score of one to nothing.
A TSA airport security agent was arrested in Virginia for sexually assaulting a woman on the street at a shopping mall. He approached her and flashed his badge at her and started groping her. Don’t you hate it when a guy can’t leave his work at the office?
The White House Christmas tree arrived from Wisconsin on a horse-drawn wagon. To save electricity costs, this year the maintenance staff plans to illuminate the tree with dimmer bulbs. They are screwing members of Congress into the light sockets.
The GOP candidates held a debate on foreign policy on CNN, which was the fourteenth Republican debate with twelve more to go. No wonder Donald Trump wants to re-enter the race. Twelve episodes is a longer guarantee that he has for The Apprentice.
CBS Sports accidentally showed a San Diego Charger kicker urinating on the sideline in Sunday’s Denver game. He was on one knee with his back to the camera. When are players going to learn that you can’t spell Hi, Mom on the snow when they are in San Diego?
The Justice Department vowed to challenge the legality of Alabama’s illegal immigration law. The way the law verifies your citizenship is pretty foolproof. They ask you a math and science question and if you get it wrong you were born in the United States.
Wall Street rose Tuesday on news of Cyber Monday’s huge sales. It’s a big holiday for online shopping because people like to shop while they’re at work. The good news is not how much they spent on merchandise but that that so many Americans still have work.
Cyber Monday drew one hundred and twenty-nine million Americans to shop online. The technology is amazing. On Monday police shut down two websites when customers started pepper-spraying each other on Skype in an attempt to get to the X-boxes.
Bill Clinton called Newt Gingrich an articulate conservative problem-solver and praised his intellect. They were both derailed by intern scandals. It brings back memories of a happier time when America’s biggest problem was that the girls might talk.
The Federal Reserve bailed out the Eurozone by printing one trillion dollars to exchange for Euros. The planet’s in an uproar. We have cows doing ads asking us to eat more chicken and soon we will have trees doing ads asking us to audit the Federal Reserve.
The Journal Fertility published a study showing that heat from laptop computers can destroy sperm when resting on a man’s lap. No one’s surprised. It’s not the first time we have learned that playing video games is a one hundred percent effective form of birth control.
McDonald’s outsmarted San Francisco’s ban on selling fast food with children’s toys by selling Happy Meals without toys and then charging parents ten cents for the toy. Hooray for capitalism. If liberals had written the Declaration of Independence it would have guaranteed every American the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of broccoli.
© Copyright 2011 Argus Hamilton
