The old maxim is we are not allowed to speak ill of the dead.

In Latin, because all Catholic school veterans understand that Latin makes everything more official, we say “De mortuis nil nisi bonum.”

The direct translation there is a bit different, but has the same meaning “Of the dead, only speak good.”

Legally, it makes sense. Emotionally that’s harder to accept, especially when we hated the person.

Donald Trump clearly has a problem with the maxim at an emotional level. His lawyers can deal with the lawsuits.

Last week, when Rob Reiner and his wife were killed in the most horrific manner by, allegedly, their son Nick, the president posted this comment on his Truth Social site: “Rob Reiner, a tortured and struggling, but once very talented movie director and comedy star, has passed away, together with his wife,Michele, reportedly due to the anger he caused others through his massive, unyielding, and incurable affliction with a mind crippling disease known as TRUMP DERANGEMENT SYNDROME, sometimes referred to as TDS.

"He was known to have driven people CRAZY by his raging obsession of President Donald J. Trump, with his obvious paranoia reaching new heights as the Trump Administration surpassed all goals and expectations of greatness, and with the Golden Age of America upon us, perhaps like never before. MayRob and Michele rest in peace!”

As a preliminary point, I’ll circle back to the Catholic school reference.

Clearly, this president did not have the benefit of a top-notch parochial education from the nuns, because his grammar and syntax are laughably mediocre.

Sister Mary Emanuel, my old English teacher at Merion Mercy, would have thrown a book at his head for that post. Don’t ask me how I know, I just do.

Beyond that, the contents of the observation are gross and ill befitting the man who is supposed to represent all Americans.

It is obvious that this president represents only those who love him and refuse to criticize him. I understand that, of course.

I voted for him twice, even after I saw the inhumanity in his rhetoric, because the alternatives were untenable for me as a pro-life woman.

But I never had any misconceptions that Donald J. Trump, who has a penchant for referring to himself in the royal “third person,” has an empathetic soul.

He is a transactional creature who values people based on what they can do for him, and it is in these moments of grief and tragedy that he shows the limits of that character.

We do not slander the dead. We might have hated the poor souls who shed the mortal coil. I have a very hard time saying anything nice about those who wronged me in life, and standing at their graveside doesn’t automatically turn them into honorable people.

The idea that we do not ridicule those who can no longer respond is as much for ourselves as for them. We need to stay within the bounds of decency when humans are the most vulnerable.

We do not hurt babies. We do not abuse the elderly. We do not mock the disabled. And we do not speak ill of those who have passed to the other side of the veil.

If we do, we are worthless.

The shocking thing about Trump’s cruel reaction to Reiner’s murder is we expected it. He has made us immune to coarse thoughts, coarse language, empty rhetoric and an unprecedented amount of belligerence towards his perceived enemies. He has been the target of a lot of hatred himself, so it’s likely that this is the source of his anger. It’s quite human to hate those who attack you.

I do. I don’t turn the other cheek. Ever.

But Donald Trump has unleashed in us the tendency to kill our better angels, the ones that allow us to go up to the line of inhumanity but not cross it, and give free reign to our basest impulses.

He has turned us into him.

And that is why people will defend him even in the face of this last display of abject cruelty. Reiner had children who lost both parents. But I am not so blind that I can’t recognize the narcissism in our president and his infinite capacity to get it wrong, every time.

He’s not tone deaf. He’s Helen Keller. I’m just sad to be unsurprised by things that would have once seemed inconceivable. Not anymore.

Yes, Reiner had made very cruel comments about Trump, and Trump suffered two assassination attempts, so that has an impact.

But I remember George Wallace, the former governor of Alabama, who was paralyzed in an assassination attempt and turned from a hateful segregationist into a champion of civil rights.

Sometimes, it’s not how life treats us, but how we deal with it.

There is no other way to look at this. Trump needs to learn that human decency requires us to remain silent in the face of fallen enemies.

Copyright 2025 Christine Flowers