Newt Gingrich bounced a five hundred dollar check for the fee to get on the Utah GOP primary ballot. He’s five million dollars in debt and he’s bouncing checks. It’s a clever way to blunt the president’s attack that the GOP candidates are a bunch of rich white guys.

Mitt Romney and Barack Obama had their first exchange as candidates Friday when they sparred over which one would be better for America’s women. One candidate has hope and change while the other candidate has hair and money. So it’s not even a fair fight.

President Obama summoned millionaires to the White House to call for higher taxes on wealthy Americans. They confessed to reporters that they don’t pay their fair share. Democrats think it’s okay to be rich as long as you just feel awful about it.

Joe Biden released a photo on Twitter of President Obama running around a swimming pool armed with a Super Soaker. He was having a ball. President Obama’s Super Soaker has two speeds, one for wealthy Republicans and one for Democratic donors.

President Obama released his tax returns revealing he made seven hundred forty thousand dollars last year. He experienced a million dollar drop in income from the previous year. Most golfers suffered financially last year with Tiger Woods off the tour.

Georgia enacted a law requiring welfare recipients to pass a drug test to get benefits. Welfare recipients are converting their EBT cards to cash to buy drugs. The only time the money goes faster from the taxpayer to the drug dealer is in Medicare Part D.

North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un unveiled another long range missile. Their last several ICBMs have failed after launch and fallen into the ocean. The missiles are starting to form a barrier reef that could protect the country from an amphibious invasion.

USA Today reported that parents will spend an average of a thousand dollars outfitting their kids for spring proms this year. It’s amazing more kids don’t suffer whiplash. They’ve been taught for twelve years that study and hard work are the keys to success, and they find out in the last semester of school that the only thing that matters is how you look.

Osama bin Laden’s three widows and nine children awaited a Pakistan court order for their deportation from Pakistan. They are leaving for financial reasons. Pakistan is so backwards that their Social Security program doesn’t have survivor benefits.

President Obama gave a speech at Hooker’s Point at the Port of Tampa Friday before he flew to Colombia. The next day the Secret Service prostitute scandal exploded. When the agents heard the president was at Hooker’s Point, they instinctively rushed to his side.

The GSA’s eight hundred thousand dollar weekend in Las Vegas came to light in House hearings. It was painful. The House members could only listen to stories of recklessly overspent taxpayer money for so long before they started awarding prizes for it.

President Obama’s campaign chided Mitt Romney for driving cross-country with his dog on the car roof. The GOP aired an audiobook tape of Obama discussing how he ate dog in Indonesia. He sat through the credits at the end of Old Yeller waiting for the recipe.

Arizona’s voter ID law was upheld to try to halt illegal aliens from voting for president. The write-in votes give them away. Last election McCain and Obama finished second and third in Arizona, a million votes behind The Most Interesting Man in the World.

© Copyright 2012 Argus Hamilton