From The Comedy Store
Colombian hooker Dania Suarez admitted she ignited the Secret Service sex scandal. She’s one of twenty hookers who made two hundred dollars an hour at the party. Four years ago President Obama promised better-paying jobs for women, and he delivered.
India announced it test-launched an ICBM missile that delivered a payload on target, increasing tensions in the region. India, Egypt, Israel, Pakistan and China all have nuclear bombs. The British never remember to clean out the closet before they leave.
North Korea’s Kim Jong-Un unveiled a new ICBM after the sixth failed launch of its long-range missiles. They claim they’ve all been successes. North Korean missiles are tough to pick up on radar because they do not fly, they are engineered to skip on water.
President Obama reacted angrily when asked about the Secret Service hotel scandal on Thursday. It presents him with a political problem. When his own bodyguards are refusing to pay their hookers how can he accuse the Republicans of waging war on women?
Colombian hooker Dania Suarez admitted she ignited the Secret Service sex scandal. She’s one of twenty hookers who made two hundred dollars an hour at the party. Four years ago President Obama promised better-paying jobs for women, and he delivered.
The White House Counsel cleared the White House of any wrongdoing in the Secret Service sex scandal. It’s always another president’s fault. Many of these agents started under Bill Clinton, when protecting the president meant keeping condoms in your holster.
The White House scolded Mitt Romney for strapping his dog to his car roof on a long family vacation years ago. The GOP released an audiotape of Obama discussing how he ate dog as a boy. In Indonesia, Lassie is the highest rated show on the Food Channel.
President Obama campaigned in Michigan where he reminded voters that he was not born with a silver spoon in his mouth. That’s not quite the whole story. Barack Obama was not born with a silver spoon in his mouth, it was a Chocolate Labrador.
President Obama posed for photos sitting in the same bus where civil rights pioneer Rosa Parks refused to yield her seat sixty years ago. The bus is in a museum in suburban Dearborn, Michigan. In order for the exhibit to show the correct historical setting the bus had to be displayed in a completely segregated city, and Detroit won the bidding over Chicago.
Mitt Romney was ripped for his Mormon ancestry by Montana’s Democratic governor. He called Mitt the son of a man who was raised on a polygamy farm in Mexico. That description is polling six points higher than being born in Hawaii without paperwork.
President Obama spoke at Chapel Hill where he vowed to limit student loan interest. The actuarials have it all worked out. To compute the number of years it takes to pay off a student loan you calculate the student’s average life expectancy and add ten years.
President Obama tried to stop foreign nationals from using the Internet to help the Syrians carry out violent attacks on their own people. It’s a challenge. The president is determined to prevent all the assault weapons which the Justice Department gave the Mexican drug cartels from falling into Syrian hands.
WalMart was reportedly set Monday to introduce its own line of inexpensive wines which will be packaged under the label of Lucky Duck. The wine has a dark and syrupy consistency. The label shows a Democrat washing a duck at a beach on the Gulf of Mexico.
Vladimir Putin was reported having an affair with Anna Chapman. She’s one of ten captured Russian spies the U.S. swapped to Russia in exchange for six U.S. spies they captured. We can’t even pull off a spy swap without running up a forty percent deficit.
© Copyright 2012 Argus Hamilton
