The Southern Baptist Convention elected Reverend Fred Luther their first black president in history. Whites fell in love with Luther’s ministry when black and white congregations had to worship together in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. The White House didn’t waste any time Friday blaming the racial harmony on George W. Bush.

Twitter’s website crashed, driving millions of Americans to other web sites to express their feeling of being cut off. It drove some people to the brink of suicide. For almost three hours nobody in the country knew who was at Starbucks and who was at the dry cleaners.

Commerce Secretary John Bryson resigned after losing control of himself and his car in L.A. He rammed his car twice into a parked Buick. The only good news Democrats got out of the story is that he was driving an electric car, after it crashed into the light pole.

Oracle founder Larry Ellison purchased the Hawaiian island of Lanai. You really can’t blame him. After four years of a Democratic president, every successful businessman is convinced he’s the villain in a James Bond movie and must live alone on an island.

Pew Research reported Asian immigrants were the largest group coming into the U.S. last year for the first time ever, with most coming from India. It brings tears to the eyes of many Americans. After twenty years of endless waiting, technical support is a local call.

George Washington’s personal copy of the U.S. Constitution sold at auction for ten million dollars to a Mount Vernon trust. He’s so revered. George Washington is the only president in history who never blamed his problems on the previous administration.

President Obama used executive privilege to stop the Attorney General from revealing confidential documents to Congress. Government rules are ironclad. You’re only allowed to leak classified secrets that make President Obama look tough on terrorism.

President Obama’s re-election campaign asked soon-to-be-married people to ask their guests to donate to Obama rather than give wedding gifts. Even Democrats were appalled. Bill Clinton didn’t want your wedding gifts, he just wanted your honeymoon.

President Obama’s religion couldn’t be identified by forty-four percent of Americans in the Gallup Poll. The confusion is completely understandable. He spends all his time buttering up big donors so he could belong to any religion with a building fund.

The Justice Department set up a toll free number for illegal aliens to call if they feel disrespected by Arizona cops. How handy. When you call the number the voice mail asks you to press one for Spanish, press two for Spanish and press three for Spanish.

Jimmy Carter accused President Obama of human rights abuses with his drone strikes on terrorists in Pakistan. It’s obvious what’s happening here. Jimmy Carter sees Barack Obama coming and he is trying to cement his position as the worst president in U.S. history.

Mitt Romney bought a Toyota truck for a seventy-year-old super-fan who’s driven to all the candidate’s appearances this year. The GOP candidate didn’t have any choice. The man threatened that if he was not given a car he was going to back Oprah Winfrey’s candidate.

President Obama spoke at a fundraiser in Florida where he mispronounced the world champion Miami Heat. He called them the Miami Heats. This is what happens whenever Indonesian school teachers whip you across the back if you get the plural wrong.