I’m not saying that all liberals are funny. For instance, I don’t think Bill Maher, Jon Stewart or David Letterman, is the least bit amusing. Those on the Left only tickle my funny bone when they’re not trying for laughs.

For instance, when Harvard professor/U.S. Senate candidate Elizabeth Warren claims that she is one-thirty-second Cherokee, I can’t help chuckling. Here is a woman who was hired by Harvard because they believed her when she claimed to be a “woman of color” even though she’s as pale as milk. Naturally, she insists that she didn’t claim to be Cherokee in order to further her career, but because she wanted her proud Native American heritage to be known far and wide, so that other members of the tribe would reach out to her. Right. Nothing those Harvard profs enjoy more than having heap big powwows.

No sooner did I quit laughing about Princess Talks With Forked Tongue than Harlem’s Charles Rangel, who finds himself running against a Latino challenger for his congressional seat, now claims to be half-Puerto Rican. Rangel, who spent the first 81 years of his life, trading on the fact that he’s as black as the ace of spades, now claims that his father was Puerto Rican, but that he’s never mentioned it because his father deserted the family when Charley was a child. I always say that nothing beats a tough election when it comes to letting bygones be bygone.

“It’s a beautiful heritage,” Rangel now insists, although I’m compelled to report that he didn’t say it in his native tongue, which we now know to be Spanish.

What with Ms. Warren coming clean about her Cherokee background and Mr. Rangel confessing to his Puerto Rican roots, I can do no less. I am in fact a statuesque Norwegian woman and my real name is Greta Thornsen.

I heard that San Francisco, aka Bedlam by the Bay, has decided to honor the House minority leader by re-naming a street Nancy Pelosi Drive. In the meantime, a California legislator has suggested that a U.S. battleship be named in honor of Harvey Milk. I suppose such things are to be expected in the state that I, Ms. Greta Thornsen, call home.

After all, we have already dedicated one day a year to honor the left-wing union organizer Cesar Chavez, so why wouldn’t we name a street after a political hack, and a Navy warship after a homosexual activist, who has already been the subject of an Oscar-winning piece of Hollywood crapola?

Other heroes of the Left made news lately when David Letterman and Larry Flynt came out in support of Barack Obama. Letterman, who doesn’t even try to be funny these days, whined: “What more do we want this man to do for us, honest to God?!”

Flynt, who’s made millions of dollars as a pornography merchant, and was also the sympathetic subject of a major Hollywood piece of dreck, said, “I think President Obama has over-performed. He got handed on his platter when he became president more than any president in history ever had to deal with. I think he’s done a marvelous job.”

Now, honesty demands that we all admit that’s pretty darn funny stuff. And I’m not just referring to their goofy syntax, although I must confess it added immeasurably to my reading pleasure.

We in the West used to look down our noses at India because Hindus insisted on treating their cows the way we treat our dogs, regarding them as sacred beings. But those days are long gone. These days, we have far more sacred cows than India ever had. Among them are the Obamas. Recently, a teacher in South Carolina went ballistic because one of her young charges had the audacity to suggest that Obama is merely a man, not a god. That would have been bad enough, but the teacher added hypocrisy to her rap sheet when she insisted that nobody would ever be permitted to disrespect “the office of the President” in her classroom. Dollars to donuts, any student who dissed the office of the President when George Bush was commander-in-chief would have received a gold star and a big hug.

Another sacred cow, to the Left at least, is Planned Parenthood. By ballyhooing it as an organization dedicated to providing poor women with health care, they try to conceal the fact that its real business is performing in excess of 300,000 abortions a year. If only the Nazis had been equally adept at public relations, they might have tried passing off Auschwitz and Buchenwald as Jewish resorts, sort of like those places in the Catskills.

It strikes me as ironic that those who promote Planned Parenthood pride themselves on being totally open-minded when it comes to women having the choice to commit infanticide, but they don’t believe anyone should be free to regard abortion as a mortal sin. Like their brothers and sisters in academia, who have made an art of silencing conservatives, these creeps believe in free choice, so long as it’s strictly limited to those who choose death over life.

Inasmuch as it doesn’t appear that Roe v. Wade will be overturned anytime in the near future, I have tried and finally succeeded in seeing the upside of the ill-conceived Supreme Court decision. Basically it comes down to the fact that with the Left pushing for more and more abortions while simultaneously propagandizing on behalf of homosexuality, it appears that liberalism contains the seeds of its own destruction, and will, inevitably, disappear from the face of the earth within the next few decades.

I realize it sounds almost too good to be true, but have I, Greta Thornsen, ever lied to you?