From The Comedy Store
Hurricane Sandy approached the U.S. mainland from the Bahamas and made landfall along the Eastern Seaboard. They were ready for it. Thanks to the president’s economic policy, many of the businesses were already boarded up.
Hurricane Sandy approached the U.S. mainland from the Bahamas and made landfall along the Eastern Seaboard. They were ready for it. Thanks to the president’s economic policy, many of the businesses were already boarded up.
President Obama flew back to Washington D.C. from the campaign trail on Monday to monitor the hurricane. He came on the radio and issued safety instructions. He blamed Hurricane Sandy on an anti-ocean video currently making the rounds on YouTube.
New York suffered looting in Coney Island electronics stores and clothing stores and athletic wear stores Tuesday following the hurricane. It was a scene of urban chaos. The White House blamed the looting on a YouTube video showing Obama had lost the election.
Hurricane Sandy left millions of people without water or electricity. People were seen scavenging for food in the parks. Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke promised Americans four years ago that the eight hundred billion dollar bailout would prevent this.
The Rasmussen Poll showed that five out of nine Americans thought Mitt Romney won the debates overall. Knowing the facts wasn’t enough. Obama won on substance but Lance Armstrong showed that winning on substances can lead to a recount.
President Obama stopped off in Chicago and drove down to the South Side and voted in his neighborhood polling place. He arrived in his armored bulletproof limo. They are so common on the South Side of Chicago that no one even bothered to shoot twice.
President Obama introduced a new booklet revealing his economic plan for America. In a radio address Obama said that we’ve finally begun to put the brakes on this recession. That’s very welcome news, except the brakes were made by General Motors.
President Obama unveiled his economic plan for the nation in a booklet in Ohio. He took time for a sit-down with unemployed workers. They explained to the president that once his unemployment runs out he can fake an injury and go on disability.
President Obama touted his experience in foreign policy on the campaign trail. He reminded voters the sanctions he placed on Iran are crippling Iran’s economy. If anybody doubts Barack Obama’s ability to cripple an economy, they are blowing smoke.
Lance Armstrong lost his Tour de France titles and his endorsement deals after the ICU banned him for life. He told an audience he doesn’t have the energy to fight the decision. Fixing a low energy problem is what got him in trouble in the first place.
President Obama’s poll numbers stayed mired five-to-six points behind Mitt Romney for the second week on Tuesday. The president has begun wondering if he’s going to be out of a job in three months. He is so frightened he’s thinking of voting for Romney himself.
Bill Clinton campaigned for New York congressional candidates Monday. He assured New York voters that he now supports same-sex marriage even though he opposed it during his presidency. To be fair, during his presidency, he also opposed his own marriage.
President Obama campaigned furiously in Ohio drawing good crowds at college campuses. He relaxes around kids. The other day he admitted to one group of students that he was texting while driving when he selected Joe Biden as his vice president.
© Copyright 2012 Argus Hamilton
