From The Comedy Store
The Los Angeles School District gave out two Chevrolets to students for their perfect attendance. They’re doing it all backwards. L.A. students who have terrible attendance should be required to drive Chevys, and just the threat will have them in their seats for first hour.
The Los Angeles School District gave out two Chevrolets to students for their perfect attendance. They’re doing it all backwards. L.A. students who have terrible attendance should be required to drive Chevys, and just the threat will have them in their seats for first hour.
President Obama agreed to arm the Syrian rebels. The U.S. will try to arm good rebels and not al-Qaeda rebels fighting Russia-backed Syria and Iran-backed Hezbollah. He’s been looking three years for something more complicated and impossible than health care.
The White House announced that the U.S. and the Taliban have agreed to hold peace talks in Afghanistan soon. The enemy’s demands are simple. They want the same weapons we’re giving the Taliban in Syria or they are filing a discrimination suit.
Senator Lindsey Graham said that Ed Snowden’s leaks will hurt the NSA. That defies logic. Now that we know how a high school dropout can make a two hundred grand salary and live in Hawaii with a pole dancer the NSA is sure to attract our best and brightest.
Capitol Hill lawmakers split over NSA spying on Americans with liberals and libertarians in alliance against it. The president backs the spying. Republicans are mad at Obama because it’s not Bush while Democrats are mad at Obama because it’s not Obama.
Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton joined Twitter, attracting half a million followers in the first day. It’s going to make her Benghazi defense much easier. All she’s got to do is stall for one hundred and forty characters and Twitter will cut her off.
Turkey rioted against Prime Minister Erdogan last week. He tells Turks what to eat, when they can drink alcohol, how many babies they should have and how to feed them. His ambitions don’t stop at wanting an Islamic caliphate, he wants to be mayor of New York.
The Supreme Court struck down Arizona’s law requiring new voters to provide proof of citizenship. The court said it’s enough that they signed the registration form under penalty of perjury. It requires them to swear that they are U.S. citizens on their word as Englishmen.
Nazi SS commander Michael Karcoc was tracked down in Minneapolis where he’s been hiding since World War II. He’s ninety-four years old. His defense lawyer is claiming that his parents brought him here illegally and he’s just trying to get an education.
President Obama flew to Germany to address the German people in Berlin. It might cheer him up. He’s been ripped by both U.S. parties lately for being an an authoritarian and a compulsive speech-maker so he might as well go where it’s traditionally appreciated.
The Congressional Democrats walloped the Congressional Republicans in the annual baseball game. It’s not a surprise at all. House Republicans will never win this ball game until they drop their requirement that congressional staffers must be U.S. citizens.
Iran elected a new president who claims to be a positive agent of change and a political moderate. All candidates are pre-approved by the ruling Ayatollah and the mullah. An optimist in Iran is anyone who stays up late to see how the election came out.
President Obama gave a speech in Northern Ireland where he said Catholic schools and Protestant schools promote divisiveness. He’s living proof. Barack Obama attended a private religious school, and today half the country wants Obama to always be president and the other half want to ask Queen Elizabeth to forgive us and take us back.
© Copyright 2013 Argus Hamilton
