From The Comedy Store
The U.S. Senate passed a bill allowing college students to get student loans at existing market rates. The tuition costs are insane today. They’re snecessary to fund half-million dollar salaries for professors, otherwide who do we have to teach kids that wealth is evil?
The White House will recruit Hollywood to get young people to enroll in ObamaCare. First a rap star tells young people the law requires them to buy health insurance. And then they will need another commercial to explain that breaking the law is a bad thing.
Bill Clinton was honored when the EPA named its headquarters building after him in Washington D.C.. It’s hilarious. Leave it to the EPA to name its headquarters after the one president who was impeached for failure to clean up after his chemical and biological spill.
NFL teams opened summer training camps this week as players get back in shape for the season and work on offense, defense and special teams. The NFL veterans won’t engage in full contact drills. They don’t wear bulletproof vests until camp breaks in August.
Detroit filed for bankruptcy, listing eighteen billion dollars in municipal debt and pensions it can’t pay. The declining business revenues can’t support government services. President Obama just told reporters that if he had a city it would look like Detroit.
President Obama lectured Americans about racial prejudice after the George Zimmerman verdict upset liberals. It’s all winding down. George Zimmerman has just legally changed his name to Ben Gazi to make sure the president never mentions him again.
San Diego’s Mayor Bob Filner was accused of groping women while campaigning and groping women on the street and groping women at work. There’s his side. Not once has the city of San Diego been attacked by an attractive female terrorist on his watch as mayor.
President Obama saluted William and Kate on the birth of their boy. The president’s party descends from the Tories. Democrats love the Royal Family because they display the life that’s possible when you live off the government and keep having kids.
Buckingham Palace was deluged with gifts for the Royal Baby. He can reign wherever he goes. Canada sent him a Moosehead, Australia sent him a Fosters, New Zealand sent him a prayer book and the White House sent him a Hawaiian birth certificate.
The Pentagon said al-Qaeda of Yemen’s number-two guy was killed by a drone strike. The terrorists say the kill was unfair. Their number-two guy was a rocket designer, a religious scholar and a munitions expert while our number-two guy is Joe Biden.
New York mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner admitted that he’s continued to lewd-text women while using the name Carlos Danger. He’s already spent time in a famous treatment facility for people who battle chronic sex addiction. It’s called Congress.
Chicago golfer Orville Nero was putting away his golf clubs in his car at the Meadows Golf Club parking lot when he was murdered in a drive-by. Cops found three shell casings nearby. Only in Chicago can you shoot three holes-in-one without picking up your golf club.
Milwaukee Brewers star Ryan Braun was suspended for using steroids. He’d convinced everyone of his innocence until biological evidence from the lab uncovered his lies. He could be the first ballplayer ever inducted into the Clinton Presidential Library.
The U.S. Senate passed a bill allowing college students to get student loans at existing market rates. The tuition costs are insane today. They’re snecessary to fund half-million dollar salaries for professors, otherwide who do we have to teach kids that wealth is evil?
© Copyright 2013 Argus Hamilton
