From The Comedy Store
President Obama addressed a secret meeting of NSA officials about foreign and domestic spying. He told them after talking it over with advisors, he’s decided to place limits on the NSA’s telephone surveillance program. The NSA officials said they already knew.
The NFL revealed the Super Bowl will be guarded by four thousand federal and local cops . Everyone entering the stadium must pass through a facial scanner that identifies known and suspected criminals. We will be lucky if we end up with two teams out on the field.
NBC began promoting Jimmy Fallon’s debut as the Tonight Show host next month. The network gave Jay Leno fifteen million not to host the show after they gave Conan thirty million not to host the show. It appears that America’s farm policy has come to show business.
The Social Security Administration reported that eleven million Americans collect disability. What’s happened to this country. Fifty years ago, the most popular ride at the amusement park was bumper cars, and today it’s the most popular ride at the grocery store.
Mars One is a Dutch company taking applications for volunteers willing to fly to Mars and live on a colony. They’d live in a protected bubble and pay no rent, and be provided free food and free drink. Americans have been training for this mission since the New Deal.
President Obama addressed a secret meeting of NSA officials about foreign and domestic spying. He told them after talking it over with advisors, he’s decided to place limits on the NSA’s telephone surveillance program. The NSA officials said they already knew.
President Obama defended the NSA data collection program he campaigned against six years ago. His supporters feel betrayed. When Obama promised the American people complete and total transparency, nobody thought he was talking about collecting our X-rays.
President Obama proposed privacy safeguards against the NSA program that collects phone data from Americans. It’s all good. NSA agents do not use the data it collects against the president’s political opponents, that’s the IRS’s job and they’re in a different union.
Alex Rodriguez was suspended a year over his connection to a Florida steroids lab. His elaborate ruse was busted by investigators. Iran didn’t think the inspection of their a-rods was serious til they found out that it will be monitored by Major League Baseball.
President Obama blamed his low approval ratings on Americans who don’t like having a black president. There is a silver lining. Mr. Obama’s approval ratings have fallen so far and so fast in the last three months, he’s the early favorite to win the Men’s Downhill at Sochi.
Baghdad reports that al-Qaeda forces captured the city of Ramadi after taking Fallujah last week and kept advancing. For two years, the Obama administration has insisted that al-Qaeda’s on the run, and they are. Ever ten seconds they’re a hundred yards closer to Sochi.
Beyonce sang at Michelle Obama’s fiftieth birthday party at the White House attended by dozens of stars. They partied long after midnight. This explains why the next morning that the president expanded Obamacare to cover the cost of tomato juice and vodka.
Civil War battle re-enacters marched in the streets of Virginia in Confederate uniforms Monday to mark Robert E. Lee’s birthday. War re-enactments are uniquely American. It’s hard to picture Frenchmen putting on old uniforms and spending all weekend surrendering.
French president Francois Hollande is coming to the White House with a new girlfriend next month. He left his common-law wife for a journalist, now he’s leaving the journalist for an actress. At the White House official state dinner, he will receive the John F. Kennedy Award.
© Copyright 2014 Argus Hamilton
