From The Comedy Store
North Korea canceled its invite to allow a U.S. envoy to come visit with Kim Jung Un. There is bruised pride involved. Kim is furious ever since his envoy came back from Mandela’s funeral and reported to him that Dennis Rodman and President Obama are two different people.
Hollywood actor Tom Sizemore says he was high on drugs when he recorded a tape saying Bill Clinton had a year-long affair with Elizabeth Hurley in the White House. He said it’s not true. It came as a huge relief to Bill Clinton, who for a second thought he was losing his memory.
Russian security forces announced security measures to ensure public safety at the Sochi Olympic Games. They said they’ll open every letter, scan every FB post, read every e-mail and monitor every telephone call in the country. It’s their way of making the Americans feel at home.
The Winter Olympics were ripped over unsanitary living conditions for athletes in Sochi. Toilets don’t work, the water is dirty, food is rancid. The U.S. team was ready. To train for the games, the U.S. Olympic team didn’t fly to Sochi, they took a Royal Caribbean Cruise.
Hillary Clinton spoke to Hispanic families at a N.Y. book store. She urged Hispanic parents to read more to their kids to help sharpen their language skills to help them catch up. She then asked Asian parents to ease up on math and give the rest of us a chance to catch up.
The Congressional Budget Office reported Obamacare will cost two million people their jobs. In addition, young people aren’t signing up, premiums are soaring and the website’s backed up with mistakes. We won’t know until they find the black box exactly what went wrong.
CBS News reporter Leslie Stahl editorialized that when Obamacare reduces people to working less than thirty hours a week, it will help to bring families closer together. It’s certainly true. Studio apartments don’t give families any choice but to grow closer together.
The Labor Department reported only one hundred thousand new jobs were created in January. The administration is undaunted. President Obama declared that from now on the percentage of unemployed Americans will be known as the liberation from work rate.
President Obama dodged a question about the Senate report saying the Benghazi attack was preventable. The aftermath is still foggy. President Obama now freely admits the Benghazi attack was not caused by an anti-Muslim video, it was caused by Fox News coverage.
USA Today noted the growing computer skills of pre-school children. It’s a global phenomenon. Statistics now show that twenty-five percent of toddlers in America know how to work an iPad, and one hundred percent of the toddlers in China know how to make one.
North Korea canceled its invite to allow a U.S. envoy to come visit with Kim Jung Un. There is bruised pride involved. Kim is furious ever since his envoy came back from Mandela’s funeral and reported to him that Dennis Rodman and President Obama are two different people.
Shirley Temple, the greatest child star in history, died on Monday. You had to be talented to be a star before there were four hundred cable TV channels. Shirley Temple’s singing and dancing made a nation forget about a depression, while Miley Cyrus’s only reminds us of it.
President Obama was asked by a French reporter if the U.S. is as close to France as to Britain. He’s evacuated Iraq, avoided Libya, ducked Syria, appeased Iran and he’s pulling out of Afghanistan. If we were any closer to France they could sue us for trademark infringement.
President Obama announced he’ll visit Normandy in June on the seventieth anniversary of D-Day as he praised the U.S.-French alliance. There is no France without it. It took the German Army three days to overrun France in World War II, and that’s because it was raining.
© Copyright 2014 Argus Hamilton
