Speaker John Boehner invited Pope Francis to address Congress in June. The pope got rid of his limousine, he turned down living in his palace for a one-bedroom apartment and he lives a life of celibacy. A member of the Kennedy family will be on hand to deliver the rebuttal.

Apple’s Taiwan manufacturing partner expanded its factory and began hiring workers to manufacture the Apple Six iPhone. It could certainly stand one improvement. What’s the bet that wherever that missing Malayasia airliner is, the pilot was using Apple maps?

The Pentagon started cutting programs to accommodate new budget cuts. They were able to cancel a multi-billion-dollar research program to develop the next generation of Stealth aircraft. They’ve just discovered that turning off the transponder has the same effect.

The White House waived off complaints about President Obama doing a mock interview with Zack Galifianakis on Between the Ferns. The president handled it like a seasoned comedian. He trains for these goofball interviews by having lunch with Joe Biden every Tuesday.

President Obama sent two boxes of White House brewed beer to Canada’s prime minister to pay off an Olympics bet. The boxes arrived marked Honey Porter and Honey Blonde. The Canadians read the labels and just assumed the Clintons were already back in the White House.

Vladimir Putin rejected U.S. peace ideas and massed troops on Ukraine’s border as he prepared to seize Crimea. It’s part of his master plan. Vladimir Putin wants the Nobel Peace Prize, but he believes you have got to act like you don’t want something in order to get it.

Obama ripped Sunday’s election when Crimea’s people voted to leave Ukraine and join Russia by a ninety-seven percent margin. He wasn’t the only world leader who disrespected the vote. North Korea’s Kim Jung Un called it a victory by the slimmest of margins.

Joe Biden traveled to Poland to reassure the Poles of U.S. support against all Russian expansion. Joe was cheered in Warsaw. The Poles are forever stuck between Germans and Russians who tell Polish jokes, and they love Joe Biden because Biden jokes are the same thing.

Ukraine said that Russian troops entered Ukraine and seized a natural gas distribution center. It makes no sense. The latest theory on CNN is, Vladimir Putin did not order the invasion of Ukraine, the Russian army mysteriously veered seven hundred miles off-course.

Obama cited progress in the War on Terror during his presidency last week in an interview. There’s evidence of progress. George W. Bush used to say the terrorists hate us for our freedom and our prosperity, and today they have to think of a new reason to hate us.

Louisiana’s lovable Democrat legend Edwin Edwards announced he’ll run for Congress Sunday. The four-time governor served jail time for Indian casino kickbacks and can’t run for state office. Louisiana law limits you to four terms–two in office and two in prison.

Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg made a personal call to President Obama in the Oval Office to complain about the NSA secretly monitoring people’s social media sites. He’s very upset about the U.S. government spying on citizens. Without a clear profit motive, it’s just un-American.

Obama told a young audience if they can’t afford Obamacare they can cut off cable TV or cell phone service to pay for it. Reaction was volcanic. Sasha and Malia just called that New Jersey teenager who sued her parents to see if she wants to make it a class-action suit.

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