Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling was reported suffering from prostate cancer on top of his public disgrace. He had a bad week. He got banned from the NBA for life for saying something really stupid, which makes everybody wonder why Joe Biden still has a job.

The NBA commisioner banned Donald Sterling for life and vowed to get owners to force him to sell the Clippers. He bought them for twelve million dollars and may have to sell them for nine hundred million dollars. The whole idea is to teach Donald Sterling that racism doesn’t pay.

Donald Sterling’s mistress Vivian Stiviano said she will someday be the U.S. president. She secretly recorded someone else’s private phone calls and denied all wrongdoing. So now, all she has to do is learn how to throw out the first pitch and she will be trained to be president.

Germany’s Chancellor Angela Merkel flew to Washington to meet with President Obama about the Ukraine crisis. The president was really glad to see her. It’s always fun for President Obama when he gets to match the face to the voice he hears everyday on the wiretaps.

John Boehner created a House Select Committee to investigate the White House cover-up of the al-Qaeda attack on the U.S. embassy in Benghazi. At the time the president knew nothing about the cover-up. He was too busy not knowing about the IRS targeting conservatives.

Minnesota’s lawmakers passed a bill changing the name of Asian carp to Invasive Carp because a few Asians in Minnesota were offended. You just can’t win. Three hours after they changed it to Invasive Carp, Hispanics threatened to hold a Million Man March on Minneapolis.

Oregon State fired Craig Robinson as their basketball coach even though he is President Obama’s brother-in-law. It knocked nobody off message. The State Department blamed his firing on an offensive anti-Muslim video while the White House blamed it on global warming.

The California State Assembly banned state-owned gift shops from selling or displaying the Confederate flag on Monday by an overwhelming vote. The reaction was par for the course. In response, the state-owned gift shops announced they are moving their shops to Texas.

Vladimir Putin’s wealth was analyzed by accountants who estimate his personal worth around seventy-five billion dollars. The news drew cheers from the threatened Baltic states and concerns from Russia’s Army. They know how Obama feels about the one per centers.

UCLA deans considered adding a racial diversity course as a freshman requirement for all students who attend the Westwood campus. It’s pretty much futile. Black folks and white folks have a difficult time getting along in Los Angeles because neither one of us speak Spanish.

Frontier Airlines angered passengers by announcing they’ll start charging extra for carry-on luggage and reserved seats. They’ll try to make up for it. If you want more leg room and fresher air, for an extra sixty dollars they will upgrade you from first class to the wheel well.

A Maryland gun store owner caved to the NRA and agreed not to market a new Smart handgun that only fires if you’re wearing a watch that’s matched to the gun and activates the gun. Every law-abiding citizen under thirty has one question for the NRA. What’s a watch?

John Kerry told the Trilateral Commission Israel might become an apartheid state. This is insane. U.S. allies are at the point where they may have to just bypass the White House and spend the next two years acting in consultation with the Fox News all-stars if they are to survive.

© Copyright 2014 Argus Hamilton