Joe Biden lavished praise on a new program in New York but kept calling it the wrong name. He’s just priceless. There was an awkward moment when Joe swore in a hundred new U.S. citizens on July 4th and concluded the ceremony by telling them they may now kiss the bride.

The White House disclosed they will deploy first-response teams to properly treat any Ebola victims in the U.S. The vice president is the point man in the administration’s response to the epidemic. Last night Joe Biden said that his heart goes out to the people of Ebola.

Joe Biden’s chief of staff Ron Klain was named the Ebola Czar by the president. He is just getting settled into his new office. So far the most difficult part of his job is getting people to shake hands with him after he introduces himself as the Ebola Czar.

Barack Obama went on radio to calm the nation over the Ebola problem. He declared that we’ve just turned the corner on diagnosis, on treatment, on airport testing and on hospital safety protocols. We’ve just turned four corners; we’re right back where we started.

Obama said he shared public anger over government ineptness reacting to the Ebola outbreak. During Ebola crisis meetings, Obama cancelled fundraisers in Connecticut and New Jersey. It’s the first time he’s ever acted on his promise to help get the money out of politics.

Obama spoke at a Democratic Party rally in Upper Marlborough, Maryland. He was heckled by the black crowd who walked out on him. Fearing that this could spread, Obama immediately halted all flights into the U.S. from Upper Marlborough.

Maggie is a new movie about a farmer’s daughter who gets infected by a virus that turns her into a zombie. In horror movie lore, zombies are only able to survive by eating human brains. This explains why the zombies invaded Washington D.C. last week and came back hungry.

Michael Jackson headed the Forbes list of top-earning dead celebrities with one hundred-forty million dollars. What a talent. Michael Jackson was a black superstar who connected with white people and later on in life he was a white superstar who connected with black people.

Monica Lewinsky discussed her affair with Bill Clinton at a convention in Chile in her role as an anti-cyber-bullying advocate. It’s so hard to believe she’s forty-one years old. It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees.

Congress will return from fall recess in the second week of November for a few weeks of work before the winter recess in December. They will tackle immigration reform. Migrant farm workers don’t want a lot, just the same temporary worker program that Congress enjoys.

The American Federation of Teachers flooded the air with TV ads for Democrats Monday, ripping GOP budget cuts. The GOP is slow to counterattack. Republicans simply don’t know that cocaine taught American kids the metric system far more than the teachers’ union ever did.

Obama’s job approval ratings hit a new low in the ABC News poll. He’s losing support quickly. Last week, the Honolulu City Council withdrew a motion to name a popular beach after President Obama, so instead they will name an unpopular beach after him.

Obama was shown on TV voting at a polling place in Chicago when a guy told him to stay away from his girlfriend. She was standing next to Obama voting. The guy wasn’t afraid Obama was hitting on her, it’s just that she is a Democratic candidate up for re-election.

© Copyright 2014 Argus Hamilton