The Weather Channel reported a brutally cold Arctic air mass swept across the United States, which set new early-season records for low temperatures. The wind made it even worse. It was so cold in Missouri that grand juries were speeding up their deliberations just for the fire.

Senate Majorty Leader-designate Mitch McConnell said he will not permit a government shutdown in December over immigration. It’s risky. In the past one hundred years, there have been sixteen government shutdowns, the longest one being the four years that Jimmy Carter was president.

Homeland Security ripped the Secret Service over the latest fence-jumping incident at the White House. There have been forty fence-jumping incidents at the White House over the last five years. Half of them were intruders trying to get in and the other half was Obama trying to get out.

New York Mayor Bill DeBlasio declared New York Ebola-free after the Ebola-infected doctor rode out his three-week quarantine. Dallas was also declared Ebola-free after its exposed patients made it through the three weeks. Apparently the cure for Ebola in America is for the election to be over.

The National Geological Survey reported a five-point earthquake struck the Southwest, which was felt up and down the state of Oklahoma. It’s a sign of the times that the politicians won’t mention. The economy is so bad in California that even the earthquakes are moving back to Oklahoma.

Obamacare architect and MIT professor Jonathan Gruber was caught on tape five times braying that voter stupidity was vital to passing Obamacare. Who’s stupid now? Every politician who ever had to shake a hand for a vote is looking at Jonathan Gruber and can’t believe he’s the sperm that won.

Dumb and Dumber Two starring Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels topped the American box office last week. They play imbeciles caught up in situations over their heads. Variety calls the movie idiotic, the L.A. Times calls it stupid, and the MIT professor who created Obamacare calls it the target demographic.

Jonathan Gruber was shunned by the president after he was taped saying Obamacare’s passage depended on the stupidity of Americans. Wasn’t his work brilliant. If Jonathan Gruber had designed ISIS’s website, young terrorists would fighting today for Christian Mingle.

Al-Qaeda leaders met with ISIS leaders at a farm house in Syria last week where they were able to settle their differences, sign a truce, and unite in one cause. It was aggravating to see for most Americans. Two radical Muslim terrorist groups managed to do what Democrats and Republicans can’t.

Forbes released a list of the world’s most powerful leaders and named Russian President Vladimir Putin as the world’s most powerful leader with Obama coming in second. It’s subject to debate. Americans say the power ranking isn’t fair, because in Russia being president is a full-time job.

Obama’s nominee for Attorney General, Loretta Lynch, was reported preparing for stiff questioning in her U.S. Senate confirmation hearings. Her nomination did raise eyebrows. Loretta Lynch is a curious choice for Attorney General, since she has no previous experience running guns into Mexico.

Secret Service chief Joe Clancy told Congress that morale is low following the fence-jumper who made it into the White House with a knife. It’s karma. You knew that when the agents refused to pay those prostitutes in Colombia the rate they had agreed on that Congress would eventually get involved.

Missouri’s governor called out the National Guard ahead of the grand jury verdict in Ferguson. The weather is chilling both protestors and the police. It’s so cold in Ferguson that CNN just retreated back to their warm studio and resumed looking for the missing Malaysian airliner.

© Copyright 2014 Argus Hamilton