Right Opinion

Wackos Here & Abroad

Burt Prelutsky · Feb. 10, 2015

As many of you know, I have long trumpeted my support of Scott Walker in the 2016 presidential race. I regard it as a surplus of riches that we Republicans will get to decide between the governor of Wisconsin and several other first-rate candidates, whereas the Democrats seem to be stuck, like prehistoric animals finding themselves knee-deep in the tar pits, with two left-wing dinosaurs named Hillary Clinton and Elizabeth Warren.

One thing for certain is that there is much that needs to be done in America to make things right and, thanks to Barack Hussein Obama, perhaps even more that needs to be undone.

Liberals, whose belief system is based on the misconceptions that government is the fount of all wisdom, that all cultures and religions are equally good, and that the differences between Americans and everybody else are never more than skin deep, are naturally at a loss when confronted by reality. That explains why they spend so much time ignoring facts by covering their ears and making loud humming noises when you try to talk sense to them.

For instance, if those who follow Islam are as peace-loving as those who are Christians, why is it that so many senseless murders are accompanied by shouts of “Allah Akbar!” and so rarely by anyone referencing Jesus Christ? Furthermore, if those shouting “Allah Akbar” as they mow down, behead and crucify infidels aren’t – as Obama and other liberals insist – true Muslims, how is it the pinheads are always so quick to label those who kill abortionists true Christians?

And if we’re all the same under our skins, how it is that only the Islamics regard rape and the aforementioned crucifixions and beheadings, as a natural instrument of warfare?

For that matter, how is it that some of us regard dogs as members of our family while others, who are allegedly our civilized equals, regard them as merely an optional source of protein?

No matter what the adolescent “Kumbaya” crowd says, there are savages who would be right at home in the eighth century all around the planet. They are as different in every way that matters from us as we are from a field of cow pies. And I, for one, say: “Viva la difference!”

Even though he was a bartender at John Boehner’s favorite haunt, the Wetherington Country Club, I was surprised when I heard that Michael Hoyt planned to kill the House majority leader by spiking his booze. Reading as many mysteries as I do, I knew that poison was generally conveyed through food.

But once I looked into it, I discovered that alcohol just might be the quickest way to Boehner’s heart, as House colleagues have often been heard to remark that by late afternoon his breath reeks of a combination of Camel Ultra-Lights and scotch.

That led me to wonder if Boehner’s perpetually orange skin tones had less to do with a tanning salon or all that grass-mowing he insists he does when he’s back home in West Chester, Ohio, than with an alcoholic flush.

Booze might also explain the petulant way he dealt with two congressional colleagues who dared oppose his re-election to the Speakership by unceremoniously booting them off the powerful House Rules Committee.

Finally, if you recall the 2010 best seller, “The Boy Who Came Back from Heaven,” allegedly the true story of a child who died and then successfully completed a round trip to the Pearly Gates, it seems that the lad’s conscience has recently begun acting up. As a result, he has belatedly come clean at the age of 16, confessing he made it all up as a way to garner attention.

I’m not bragging, understand, but I never believed the tale. The first clue was that his name was Malarkey. I swear to God…Alex Malarkey.

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