From The Comedy Store
The Jackie Robinson Little League team in South Chicago was stripped of its U.S. championship title. It was found they played ringers from outside their district and cheated to win. When the kids graduate high school, they’ll begin college with six credits toward a degree in Chicago Studies.
Presidents Day was celebrated at George Washington’s plantation home at Mount Vernon with a parade of soldiers in colonial dress. That was a man. George Washington is my favorite president in U.S. history because he’s the only one who didn’t blame all his problems on the previous administration.
Obama spent Presidents Day in Rancho Mirage where he played golf at the El Dorado Country Club in eighty-five degrees of desert winter splendor. The problems of the world can wait. Casual followers of the news saw the president on the golf course and wondered who’d been beheaded.
Obama referred to the Coptic Christians killed by ISIS as Egyptian citizens. Last month he wouldn’t identify the Paris deli victims as Jewish. When Obama removed the bust of Winston Churchill from the Oval Office, no one knew he replaced it with a bust of Neville Chamberlain.
The Democratic Party picked Philadelphia as host city of the National Convention. This could be historic. The Republicans never thought they had a chance of carrying single women voters until the Democrats came up with the idea of nominating Bill Clinton’s wife in Bill Cosby’s birthplace.
NBC suspended Brian Williams as anchor of the NBC Nightly News for six months without pay for making up Iraq war coverage stories. He says it isn’t his fault he misremembered the events in Iraq. He thinks the hits he took during his fifteen-year NFL career have affected his memory.
NBC News was swamped by more evidence of Brian Williams wildly exaggerating his role in news stories he’s witnessed or in war stories he’s covered. Hopefully his problem’s treatable. Yesterday he said he still suffers nightmares about the night he saved Private Ryan.
The Jackie Robinson Little League team in South Chicago was stripped of its U.S. championship title. It was found they played ringers from outside their district and cheated to win. When the kids graduate high school, they’ll begin college with six credits toward a degree in Chicago Studies.
Krispy Kreme in London apologized for an online promotion asking customers to join the Krispy Kreme Klub and posting special prices for KKK. The store had a narrow escape. KKK was canceled before Obama could identify donut lovers as a Christian hate group.
The Pentagon revealed that U.S. military researchers are hard at work trying to develop a pizza that can last three years and still remain edible. It’s been an odd couple of years for the U.S. military. One year, you are tracking down Osama bin Laden and the next you’re trying to outsmart Papa John.
Eastern Ukraine was secured by pro-Russian rebels before the cease-fire took effect. It leaves Russia in control of Eastern Ukraine and the Crimea. This summer Vladimir Putin will star in a commercial for Russian tourism in which Putin urges you to visit Russia, before Russia visits you.
Washington D.C. was paralyzed by the snowstorm combined with zero-degree temperatures from an Arctic cold front. The roads were iced over, making transportation impossible. They had to close down all federal offices on Capitol Hill so Congress was forced to get nothing done from home.
The Powerball jackpot total hit five hundred and sixty-four million dollars when three winning numbers revealed one of the winners lives in Texas. The jackpot winner plans to do what most Texans would do with the money. He’s going to move back to Mexico and immigrate here legally.
The FAA proposed new rules for drones which are so restrictive for commercial drone aircraft it could threaten Amazon’s plans to deliver packages by unmanned drones. Everyone was so looking forward to the Amazon service. It will allow all of us to bomb al-Qaeda with skin care products.
© Copyright 2015 Argus Hamilton
