Sadly, America currently being the open-air asylum it is, I wasn’t too surprised that the left-wingers were quick to ridicule Mike and Karen Pence when they revealed some of the secrets to their long and happy marriage.

It seems that two of the secrets really set the hair of liberals on fire. The first was that the Vice-President never dines alone with a woman other than his wife, and that he never drinks alcohol at an event unless Mrs. Pence is with him.

I’d venture that to most normal people, the rules indicate that the Pences are realists who recognize the temptations of the flesh — particularly in the flesh pot of politics, which rivals show biz when it comes to a preponderance of willing and overly ambitious young women — and they have taken measures to ensure that their marriage doesn’t fall prey to them.

But so far as the Democrats are concerned, their precautions make them religious freaks. I suppose it makes sense they would feel that way, inasmuch as their own party leaders, including FDR, Jack Kennedy, Gary Hart and Bill Clinton, have shown so little regard for their own marriage vows. Still, comparing Mike and Karen Pence to adherents of Sharia law strikes me as particularly demented, especially when those leveling the absurd charge have never dared utter a negative word about the holy scripture of Islamic terrorists.

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Speaking of those for whom the Left has nothing but contempt, consider that in 2013, Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos and her husband donated $90.9 million to charity, with 48% going to education, 27% to health and community services, 13% to their church and 12% to arts and culture.

Is it any wonder that those on the Left despise her?

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Before I forget, I promised Matt Lamb of ProfessorWatchlist.org to put in a good word for his group. Their mission is to get the word out on those professors around the nation who have decided that their job description calls for them to be propagandists for socialism and globalism, while raging against everything that is recognizably American, ranging from religion and traditional values to capitalism and a literal interpretation of the Constitution.

Before sending your young sprouts off to colleges and universities where they will be taught to despise you and America, you might wish to check out the site and find out just how many left-wing loons are safely tenured on that particular campus.

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All the crazy people are not limited to the halls of ivy; far too many of them are duly-elected office holders. In Massachusetts, there’s a member of the state house of representatives, Michelle Dubois, who felt it her duty to alert illegal aliens, including criminals, of an upcoming ICE raid. Like a great many liberals, it’s her idiotic contention that arresting and deporting violent criminals would make cities and towns less safe. And were they talking about Mexican, Nicaraguan and Honduran, cities and towns, they would, of course, be correct.

My question: Are Democrats really incapable of recognizing how incredibly stupid they sound?

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Having recently disclosed my own all-time favorite sit coms, I have to admit that the responses of some of you to my poll reminded me that I had left out a few that I would have included if I’d thought of them.

They would be the English comedy about two alcoholic screwballs, “Ab Fab;” another English comedy, “No, Honestly,” which starred a married show biz couple, John Alderton and Pauline Collins, as a married show biz couple; and “Amos ‘n” Andy,“ an early victim to political correctness.

Although the show was performing well in the ratings, and had enjoyed a long and successful run on radio, when the black characters were played by white men, the NAACP decided that it reflected badly on black people and pressured sponsors and the network to drop the show, thus putting a large number of black actors and actresses back on the unemployment line.

It was a particularly egregious act of cultural vandalism by the nitwits in the NAACP because they managed to abort the TV career of Tim Moore, whose portrayal of the Kingfish was a comedic performance that was probably only rivaled on the tube by Phil Silver’s rendition of another con man, Sgt. Ernie Bilko.

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One of my readers, who insists that although he used to have a bad temper, contends he is now something of a pussycat. However, he admitted that occasionally his resolution is tested when his wife goes shopping for something "We might need some day.”

I suspect that he is not alone. In fact, I know he’s not alone because even my own otherwise perfect wife has a similar tendency. In fact, our house is overflowing with similar treasures. I just hope I live long enough to see them used. But I suspect that for such a miracle to take place during my lifetime, even Methuselah would eventually have to surrender his seat on the bus to me.

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Sometimes, especially when I pay particularly close attention to our politicians, I find myself losing hope for America. But, suddenly, something will happen that restores my faith in the future of the republic.

In this latest instance, it was the arrival of a shopping catalogue from an outfit called Starcrest of California. Now, as a rule, I immediately toss such things in the trash can. The only reason I didn’t is because there was a picture on the cover promoting something called the Ergonomic Ring Puller, showing a hand using the device to open a can of something. They didn’t show what was inside the can, but, then, they aren’t in the business of selling tuna fish or tomato soup.

But inasmuch as I am always a little afraid I’ll break a finger or somehow slash my wrist whenever I try opening a can with one of those little ring pulls, I found myself going through all 214 pages, searching out other modern wonders.

The truth is there were a lot of wristwatches being offered that had their faces decorated with pictures of birds that made no sense to me, unless it was supposed to be a subliminal pitch to people dying to see time fly; and a lot of battery-operated owls that the folks at Starcrest promised would scare off other varmints, but I suspect the only thing they would truly terrify is yours truly if it suddenly lit up and hooted at me if I was coming home after dark.

But the catalogue was jam-packed with items that restored my faith in American ingenuity and entrepreneurship. Okay, there weren’t any revolutionary devices that would transform life the way the electric light and the computer did. But I think it might be even more impressive that so many people have managed to come up with inventions that few of us, maybe none of us, ever felt we needed.

A small sample would include wireless doorbells; tilted nail polish holders; stop-snoring chin straps; staple-free staplers; napkin chains; UV sleeves for people who would apparently prefer wearing unattractive rubberized sleeves to wearing a long-sleeve shirt; spaghetti forks; toe buddies to prevent toes from growing on top of one another; sonic devices to ward off mosquitoes and moles; lethal-looking earwax removers; metal frog key hiders that might fool frogs looking to break into your house; and inspirational humor magnets that offer such knee-slappers as “More is accomplished by holding the hands than by wringing them” and “When we start kneeling down, things start looking up.”

I don’t think anyone could page through the catalogue without entertaining at some point the realization that this really is a great country, where any screwball can come up with a seemingly-cockeyed idea and make a fortune.

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And one of those screwballs would be me. I actually came up with the following brainstorm years ago, but I never pursued it. Now that I’m old, I am offering it free to the world. I suspect that as soon as I share it, most of you will say you’re amazed that nobody, including yourself, ever thought of it and made millions. But I suspect that’s how a lot of you are feeling right now about the toe buddy and those UV sleeves.

My idea is mock funerals. Yes, you read that right. My idea is to have funerals for living people, so that they can hear all the nice things people say about them, which until now, they weren’t around to hear.

My concept is that the funeral would resemble the real thing except that the dearly departed hasn’t departed. He or she — although I expect that the idea would be more popular with men than women for some reason — would be carried inside the church or temple by six of his larger friends. If all of his friends were too old and frail, strangers would be provided by the mock funeral home.

For most of the ceremony, the star of the show would lie quietly in his coffin, although he might wish to occasionally sit up and count the no-shows. For an hour or so, he would bask in the compliments paid him by his friends and relatives. Best of all, when it was all over, he could go home and take part in the wake.

I even have a slogan for the smart cookie who cashes in on my idea Put the fun back in funerals!