May 8, 2017

Taxing Our Patience

Unlike those nincompoops suffering from a terminal case of Trump Derangement Syndrome, who hate anything and everything that the President proposes, there’s a lot about his proposed tax plan I like.

Unlike those nincompoops suffering from a terminal case of Trump Derangement Syndrome, who hate anything and everything that the President proposes, there’s a lot about his proposed tax plan I like. However, I’m not sure I can sign off on it just yet. My problem isn’t that it will favor rich people. After all, they’re the ones who pay the lion’s share of taxes, so it’s only logical that anything that lessens the onerous burden on everyone else will do the same — only more so — for them.

My problem is that it does nothing about the less-wealthy among us. I’m referring to the 47% of the adult population that not only don’t pay their fair share, they pay nothing. In some bizarre cases, they actually collect rebates, although I don’t quite grasp how you can get a rebate on something you haven’t paid for.

These people get to use our schools, our clinics, our hospitals and are protected by our military and Homeland Security, plus enjoy the same national parks and use the same federal highways, as the rest of us.

The lamest argument employed in their defense is that they do have to pay the other insidious taxes, such as state, sales and gasoline, as if those of us who also have to pay income taxes are somehow spared that odious responsibility.


I am going to invite each of you to submit the stupidest single sentence ever attributed to a member of Congress. To get the ball rolling, I will remind you that Rep. Nancy Pelosi (CA-D) told her colleagues they would have to vote for ObamaCare in order to find out what was in the bill, and Rep. Hank Johnson (GA-D) once voiced concern that if too many dependents joined their Naval husbands and fathers on Guam, there was a very real possibility of the island tipping over. To enter the competition, just print the sentence in the subject line of your email. My email address is [email protected].


Proving that at least one member of Congress has his head screwed on right, Sen. Ted Cruz has proposed legislation that would use the billions of dollars confiscated from drug lords like El Chapo to build Trump’s wall. That’s one sure way to get the wall built and make a Mexican pay for it.

A tip of my sombrero to Sen. Cruz. He is clearly thinking outside la caja.


Speaking of Congress, it has always annoyed me when I attempt to email a member of the Senate or the House with a complaint or a suggestion, but am blocked because my zip code does not exist within their state or district, pretending their votes have no effect on me. Worse yet, they think nothing about then turning around and bombarding me with requests for campaign donations.

But I don’t think I’ve ever been angrier with the Republicans in Washington than I am right now when so many of them are getting between President Trump and his ability to get things done. I’m a conservative, but I don’t want to see any more members of the Freedom Caucus aligning with the Democrats to defeat Trump’s attempts to turn his agenda into a reality.

I am really annoyed with their boasts that they must keep their promise to the few hundred thousand people who voted for them. Wrong. Their primary obligation is to make sure that they keep the promises Donald Trump made to the 62 million Americans who voted for him.


College professors defend the tenure system because it means they can’t be fired because they harbor unpopular political opinions. But the hypocrites have turned that notion on its head; instead, it’s they who side with the campus fascists in denying a forum to those who hold opposing views.

College administrators, in turn, maintain their positions and huge salaries by cowering behind doors labeled President and Chancellor. They are not so different from their German colleagues who stood by 80 years ago while the Nazi thugs burned books written by those with whom they differed when it came to matters racial, religious and political.


Someone sent me a cocked-up news story out of Washington, D.C. that, I imagine, was supposed to prove how boorish and uncultured we Americans are. A guy wearing a baseball cap and a sweatshirt played his violin for an hour at a Metro Station, but nobody stood around, listening to the six Bach pieces. And at the end of the hour, he only had about $40 in donations to show for it.

The kicker was that the violinist wasn’t just some street musician, he was Joshua Bell, who just two days earlier had sold out a concert in Boston, where the average ticket went for $100, and, moreover, he was fiddling on a violin worth $3.5 million.

I wrote back to say: “Interesting, but I don’t think it proves what some elitist thought it proved. For one thing, most people can’t tell one violinist from another, and those who paid $100 for a ticket to his concert were only responding to Bell’s reputation, not to their innate ability to spot the difference between the soloist and the regular violinists in the Boston Symphony.

Next, I happen to be a big fan of Bach, but not everyone is. Also, it was a Metro Station. People had places to get to. If they stood around listening to Bell, they’d not only be late, but they’d be creating a pedestrian jam for others who needed to get where they were going.

Finally, if Bell managed to collect $40 in an hour, that works out to $80,000-a-year. I grant that’s a pittance compared to what Mr. Bell normally rakes in, but a lot of money for someone who didn’t even bother getting dressed up for the stunt.

What’s more, not only does it not prove that we Americans are a bunch of tone-deaf barbarians, but, considering the donors weren’t standing around enjoying the cantatas, it meant they were dropping money in his open case out of sheer generosity. We may never know if it was to encourage him in his creative endeavor or to suggest in the kindest way possible that he invest in a few more lessons, but, all in all, I think it says something very nice about our native decency.


Recently, I received the sort of email I would normally delete, but because it came from a good friend, I assumed that appearances were deceiving, so I read on.

It was headlined "We Need to Show More Sympathy to These People.”

It read: “They travel miles in the heat. They risk their lives crossing borders. They don’t get paid as much as other people. They do the jobs that others won’t do. They live in crowded conditions among a people who speak a different language. They rarely get to see their families.”

It concludes: “I’m not talking about illegal aliens. I’m talking about our troops. A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to the United States of America for any amount, up to and including his life.

"Doesn’t it seem strange that so many people are willing to lavish all kinds of benefits on illegals, but refuse to support our troops? Wouldn’t it be great if we took the $360 billion we spend on these interlopers every year, and spent it on our own hard-working Americans for a change?!”

· Responding to popular demand, here is the best of the latest batch of jokes that have been pouring in. A tip of the cap to Ralph of Elmhurst, Illinois.

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers standing on his porch.

“We’re sorry, Mr. Williams, but we have some news about your wife.”

“Tell me, did you find her? Is she safe?”

The Troopers looked at each other. The older of the two said: “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”

Fearing the worst, Mr. Williams said: “Give me the bad news first.”

“I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay.”

“Oh, no,” the man began to sob uncontrollably. Finally gaining control of himself, he asked: “What’s the good news?”

The Trooper said: “When we pulled her up, she had a dozen 25-pound King crabs and five Dungeness crabs clinging to her, and we feel you’re entitled to a share of the catch.”

Stunned, Mr. Williams said: “If that’s the good news, what’s the great news?”

“We’re going to pull her up again tomorrow.”


But around here, the good news not only never stops, it barely slows down to catch its breath. I just got word from my publisher that “The Story of My Life” is now available on Kindle, and he assures me it’s as hilarious as ever.

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