Right Opinion

Notes From the Underground

Burt Prelutsky · Mar. 19, 2018

I’m really not in the prediction business, but I fail to see how the Democrats can possibly retake Congress in the midterm elections. Although I understand that House and Senate elections are often determined by individual candidates rather than by a national tidal wave favoring Republicans or Democrats, and although I know the Republicans have a history of nominating the one candidate who has the least chance of winning a general election, as happened, most recently, with Roy Moore in Alabama, I still believe 2018 will be a good year for the GOP.

Even though several Republican incumbents are resigning, the Republicans will be able to point to a record that includes pushing for border security, better trade deals, a soaring economy that voters will see reflected in their paychecks and possibly even a de-fanged North Korea. For their part, Democrats will be limited to going after the votes of the young and stupid by relying on identity politics and repeating ad nauseum how much they hate Donald Trump. God save us all if that turns out to be a winning strategy.

Speaking of North Korea, if Trump’s backing up his strong words with a display of military might manages to curtail Kim Jong-un’s suicide mission, he should win the Nobel Peace Prize. But that would only make sense if those prizes weren’t as cheap and tawdry and partisan as the Oscars and the Golden Globes.

Instead, the leftist buffoons in Oslo are more likely to present Barack Obama with a second Prize in recognition of his role in leading the Resistance-to-Trump movement.

Actually, a second Peace Prize would make more sense than the first one because it would be in recognition of Obama’s actually having done something besides win an election.

Here in California, the Democrats believe that when they claim illegal aliens are reluctant to report crimes because they’re so concerned that they, themselves, will be deported, they believe they’re making a winning argument on behalf of the illegals. Sorry, but if someone broke the law by sneaking in, I have no sympathy for their plight. My suggestion is that they go back where they came from so they can report crimes with no risk of being deported.

Besides having broken the law, they should be ashamed of themselves for taking cuts ahead of millions of people around the world who are waiting and hoping to come here legally.

Making things even worse, left-wing scofflaws like Jerry Brown, Dianne Feinstein, Libby Schaff, Maxine Waters, Gavin Newsom and Xavier Becerra, by refusing to respect federal immigration law, are forcing ICE agents to hunt down criminals on their home turf, where they have access to weapons, rather than collect the deplorable deportables peacefully from jails and courtrooms.

With a regularity that might be envied by tides and taxes, the radio station I listen to in my car is once again asking its audience to donate money in order to feed Haitians. Each time I hear the commercial, I wonder how many suckers are still out there, just waiting for the cue to rescue Haiti from itself.

Haiti has been a basket case for as long as I can remember. Its plight used to be blamed on the Duvaliers, Francois (“Papa Doc”) Duvalier, and his son Jean-Claude, a.k.a. “Baby Doc,” and their brutal secret police department, the Tonton Macoute, so-named after the Haitian mythological bogeyman, which translates to “Uncle Gunnysack” for his practice of carrying off people in sacks and having them for breakfast.

But their time has come and gone, and nothing has improved in Haiti. So why, with so many more worthwhile charities begging for money, would anyone toss another dime down the Caribbean rat hole?

A lot of attention was paid to Gary Cohn when he resigned as Trump’s major economic advisor, but I wish a little more attention had been paid to him when he was offered the job. A registered Democrat, a globalist and an endorser of the Paris accords, Cohn was a very square peg in a round hole. The only surprise is that it took Trump’s calling for tariffs on steel and aluminum to finally send Cohn scurrying for cover.

I don’t know how much help Cohn was to the American economy, but he certainly did awfully well for himself, receiving a $250 million severance package from Goldman Sachs when he took off for Washington.

It did not warm the cockles of my heart to hear Trump tease us with the prospect that Cohn might soon return in a Cabinet position. Shouldn’t those jobs go to Republicans who are in line with Trump’s agenda?

Sometimes, too often in fact, I find myself, as much as I like Trump, at a loss when it comes to figuring out what motivates him to say and tweet some of the things he does.

Although there are those who believe that if Obama’s friendly relationship with Louis Farrakhan had been made public in 2008, he would never have been elected, I am not one of those people. At the time, we knew that his intimate circle included Mr. and Mrs. Bill Ayers, a pair of unrepentant terrorists from the 1960s, and Rev. Jeremiah Wright, a foul-mouthed anti-American, anti-Semite whom Obama was proud to call his religious mentor.

In addition, Obama had declared that the shortcomings of the U.S. Constitution and the Civil Rights movement were that neither dealt with the redistribution of wealth.

Having declared himself a friend of scumbags and a devout Socialist, to boot, I doubt he would have lost to John McCain even if he had been photographed having sex with Louis Farrakhan.

In certain circles, even after all these years, people such as Keith Ellison and Maxine Waters know they will suffer no consequences among their equally anti-Semitic constituents if it gets out that they’re joined at the hip to Rev. Farrakhan.

Joe Neuner sent me a joke that manages to be both clean and politically incorrect, so a tip of the hat to the pride of Olathe, Kansas.

Two guys, one white, one black, applied for a forklift job with a construction company in Detroit.

Because both Jack and Tyrone had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test. The foreman led them to a quiet room where they wouldn’t be disturbed and handed them each a sheet with 20 questions.

When the tests were scored, they both wound up getting 19 of the 20 correct. When the foreman said that he was going to hire the white guy, Tyrone flew into a rage, calling the boss a racist and threatening to report him to the authorities. “How dare you hire him when we both got the same number of right answers?”

The foreman explained that he wasn’t basing his decision on the 19 they both got correct but on the one they both missed.

“And just how was his wrong answer better than mine?”

“Easy. Jack’s answer to #7 was ‘I don’t know.’ You wrote down ‘Neither do I.’”

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