British Petroleum pumped dirt and concrete into the gushing Gulf of Mexico oil leak to try to plug it. It’s a win-win. If it works it saves the wildlife and if it doesn’t work we’re about a week away from having the world’s largest oil storage tank.

New York got the Super Bowl over Phoenix and New Orleans Tuesday. Phoenix lost due to Mexican unrest and New Orleans lost due to the oil spill. Terrorists were humiliated to hear they’ve been downgraded to the third-worst thing that could happen.

Democrat Joe Sestak says the White House offered him a federal job to drop out of the Pennsylvania Senate race. Every day he admits someone offered him a job. The White House never should’ve enlisted British Petroleum to get him to stop talking.

Mexico’s state of Sonora aired a commercial threatening the safety of Arizona tourists. It’s a moot point. The only Americans who visit Mexico these days are Democratic candidates from California, and they only go to shake hands with the voters.

The Republican Party set up a new website called Listening to America where Americans can post their ideas for policies to solve America’s problems. The announcement really ticked off the president. Any time a Republican uses the word American three times in a sentence he thinks they’re questioning his citizenship.

President Obama took responsibility for his part in the Gulf spill Thursday. He said his mistake was trusting the oil companies. He then requisitioned three jumbo jets, two limousines and one helicopter to take the family to Chicago for the weekend.

President Obama applauded the Phoenix Suns Sunday for wearing Los Suns jerseys to express their opposition to Arizona’s immigration law. There are no Mexicans in the NBA. Professional basketball is not yet one of the jobs that Americans won’t do.

Idaho GOP congressional candidate Vaughn Ward lost in the primary last Tuesday after he plagiarized a Barack Obama speech. That’s not all he stole from Obama. It cost Vaughn Ward the election when he was caught on tape bowing to the governor of Montana.

Israel got no help from the U.S. government Monday after its navy boarded a Palestinian boat that tried to run the blockade on its border. There’s no double standard here. The Obama administration is on record against secure borders.

General Motors announced Monday it is developing a much longer-running Chevy Volt. The competition is fierce in clean-car technology. Ford announced they just invented the world’s first water-powered car, but it only runs on water from the Gulf of Mexico.

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer flew to Washington D.C. for a Thursday face-off with President Obama over the immigration law she signed. Logistics were a problem. They had to have the meeting on Thursday because Friday is Casual Citizenship Day at the White House.

Hispanics picketed Dodger Stadium Tuesday to protest Arizona’s new immigration law. Support for the law is spreading. During the game one middle infielder made an error, prompting the umpires to check his papers and two groundskeepers to take him away.

The Border Patrol revealed Thursday they caught a hundred men sneaking into the U.S. from Mexico last year who came from Pakistan, Yemen, Syria, Iran and Saudi Arabia. Who knows what they might try. The damage from suicide donkeys can’t be calculated until we see how many House Democrats who voted for cap-and-trade and health care lose in November.

© Copyright 2010 Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and speaks to groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at [email protected].