President Obama pressed BP into setting up a twenty billion dollar escrow last week. It will act just like a government, taking from the rich and giving to the poor. He’s just named Rod Blagojevich governor of the new state of Corruptopia.

House Minority Leader John Boehner’s disclosure forms revealed he lost a fortune in BP stock. The reason he’s so tan is he lost his shirt. Every time Boehner goes to Arizona to campaign for John McCain he risks being detained by police and deported to Mexico.

Barack Obama forced BP to pay oil rig workers during the deep sea drilling ban he imposed. They go to sea for a week, make a fortune, come back ashore for a week and blow it. They are like Somali pirates except now the White House boards the ships for them.

McDonald’s recalled twelve million Shrek drinking glasses last week when the feds warned that they contained the carcinogen cadmium. The company’s in real trouble. Barack Obama just ordered McDonald’s to pay to replace all the barware in New Orleans.

BP’s Tony Hayward testified about the oil spill to Congress last week. Firing squads are more humane. They would have offered him a blindfold and a cigarette, but smoking’s banned in the U.S. Capitol and the blindfolds are for the Treasury Department.

Saudi Arabia’s King Abdullah meets with President Obama at the White House next week. It’s amazing that any oil man would still come. Every time an oil man comes to the White House the Secret Service frisks him, takes his wallet and runs up his credit cards.

Maytag announced that they will recall two million dishwashers, saying the electrical wiring could pose a fire hazard in homes and businesses. It wasn’t the only dishwasher recall this month. Arizona’s immigration law takes effect in July.

The L.A. City Council considered lifting its Arizona boycott to buy Arizona-made street corner cameras that catch motorists running red lights. By exempting this company the city is just asking for a lawsuit. The cameras only catch the brown cars.

General Stanley McChrystal was recalled Monday after he ripped President Obama in Rolling Stone. That’s where this administration is different. Anytime a general wanted to send a message to President Bush he gave an interview to Sports Illustrated.

South Carolina’s Governor Mark Sanford disappeared again Monday without saying where he went. It’s very stressful being governor of South Carolina. The country looks to you for leadership on when to secede and the BlackBerry never stops buzzing.

General McChrystal was fired by the president for ripping White House policies in Rolling Stone. He didn’t criticize everyone. He raved about Hillary Clinton’s support for the troops in Afghanistan and her ability to get things done, and for that he must go.

General David Petraeus was named commander in Afghanistan Wednesday. Just last week he passed out in the U.S. Senate rather than answer a question on whether he supported President Obama’s Afghanistan policy, and now he’s in charge of it. Now if he can just faint whenever the Rolling Stone reporter shows up, he’s got a job for life.

JP Morgan Chase made plans Monday to expand overseas where taxes are lower and regulations less. They said the three nations friendliest to banks are China, Russia and India. That’s one communist country, one authoritarian country and one call center.

© Copyright 2010 Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and speaks to groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at [email protected].