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Burt Prelutsky / Jun. 1, 2019

Guns & Sons of Guns

If you wonder why the Democrats and their media pets haven't made a bigger deal of the Highlands Ranch High School shootings, the answer, I suspect, can be traced to the fact that one of the shooters is Devon Erickson, a registered Democrat, Obama-loving, anti-Trump, Christian-hating, 18-year-old.

If you wonder why the Democrats and their media pets haven’t made a bigger deal of the Highlands Ranch High School shootings, the answer, I suspect, can be traced to the fact that one of the shooters is Devon Erickson, a registered Democrat, Obama-loving, anti-Trump, Christian-hating, 18-year-old.

His partner in crime is 16-year-old Maya McKinney, who just happens to be a biological girl who is transitioning, as they like to say, to a boy named Alec.

If a shooting can’t be blamed on a Republican, preferably a MAGA-cap wearing Conservative, suddenly the Liberals aren’t nearly as interested in making guns and the law-abiding folks who own them the scapegoats for all of America’s problems.

There’s no way on earth that Trump’s latest plan to revise the rules for legal immigration will gain any more traction among congressional Democrats than his plan for building a wall to keep the illegal riffraff out.

But by calling for a merit-based system based on technical and language skills, and not whether a more recent batch of illegal aliens happens to be related to an earlier group, Trump has brought to the forefront the one issue, besides a flourishing economy, he should be able to use to run roughshod over his opponent in next year’s election.

Plus, it might even make it possible for the Republicans to regain control of the House, although, considering that their respective districts are so full of dummies and Muslims, it’s probably too much to expect that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Rashida Tlaib and Ilhan Omar, will be turned out.

Speaking of illegal aliens, I can’t help wondering how many of the latest batch of anchor babies are the result of their mothers being raped on their way from Central America. I doubt if their rapists were considerate enough to worry about wearing condoms.

In a related matter, Bernie Sanders insists that abortions are a constitutional right. Amy Klobuchar agrees with him. And these people, I’ll remind you, are U.S. senators.

The excuse the seven Supreme Court justices responsible came up with to justify Roe v. Wade becoming the law of the land was by deciding that the 4th Amendment guaranteed a woman the right to privacy.

One, privacy appears nowhere in the Constitution. Two, by using that type of logic, it could be decided that murder is constitutional because the killer, male or female, has the exact same right to privacy.

Those advocating for Roe v. Wade told us that abortions would be “safe, legal and rare.” Forty-six years and roughly 50 million abortions later, the best they can come up with is, “Well, two out of three ain’t bad.”

I suppose it’s because I don’t believe any of the twerps can defeat Trump in 2020 that I’m getting such a kick out of watching his two dozen would-be opponents jockeying for position.

One of the most amusing is Beto O'Rourke. Probably because he’s sinking in the polls and desperate people do desperate things, he’s my favorite.

The lummox started out by sharing a video of a dentist working on his teeth. Moving on, he more recently allowed us to watch him getting a haircut.

And here I thought Andy Warhol’s six-hour movies shot with a stationary camera were boring!

I can’t help wondering what’s next, a home video of young Beto being potty-trained? Beto undergoing a colonoscopy? Stay tuned.

If anyone is going to get to the bottom of the sleazy Mueller investigation, my money is on John Durham. One look at that bearded bald guy with his ice-cold glower, and I know if I had anything to do with using the Russian dossier to obtain the phony FISA warrants, I would be checking out which countries don’t have extradition treaties with the U.S.

What’s more, if I were James Comey, Andrew McCabe, Peter Strzok, Bruce Ohr, John Brennan, James Clapper or Lisa Page, I would make certain my passport was up to date and I would definitely have my travel agent on speed-dial.

A lady who lives in Southern California, as I do, worries not so much about herself, but her four grown children and her grandchildren who live nearby. “What will California be like for them in the future?”

I replied: “Probably as bad as it is today. Perhaps a little bit worse. But a better question might be: what will those grandkids be like for California and the country? After all, they can always move to another state. But if they can’t shake off the lies they been told in school and been spoon-fed by the media, they will certainly be part of the problem, not the solution.”

Some people are being encouraged by the recent developments in Alabama and Georgia, where governors and state legislators are passing laws that severely limit abortions. They’re hoping that as the push against the laws wends its way through the courts, it will eventually wind up before the Supreme Court, where they hope that Trump’s nominees Neil Gorsuch and Brett Kavanaugh will lead the Court in reversing Roe v. Wade.

I hate to rain on their parade, but unless Trump has the opportunity to replace Ruth Bader Ginsburg, I don’t believe it will happen. That’s because I doubt if Chief Justice John Roberts has the judicial will or temperament to reverse legal precedence especially when it comes to such a controversial issue as abortion.

As he showed when he decided that the Affordable Care Act was legitimate because it was a tax, even though Obama’s lawyers had argued it wasn’t, Roberts’ first priority is to preserve what he regards as the Court’s reputation rather than respecting the words of the Constitution.

Someone sent me a bunch of memes, which bear repeating, starting with “The best thing about being over 40 is that we did our stupid stuff before the invention of the Internet, so there’s no proof!”

“The man who invented Autocorrect has just died. His funfair is next Monkey.”

“If you stir coconut oil into your kale, it makes it a lot easier to scrape it into the trash can.”

“If smoking marijuana causes short memory loss, what does smoking marijuana do?”

“In 1999, young people were being told not to get in a car with strangers. In 2009, we were told not to meet up with people we encounter on the Internet. In 2019, Uber and Lyft are telling us to order a ride over the Internet from a stranger.”

“No matter how big and tough we may think we are, when a two-year-old hands you a toy phone, you answer it.”

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