Remember that guy you went to high school with? You know, the one with the rich parents. The one who drove a Porsche to school and wore the slickest clothing. The one with a pool in the backyard and the Xbox and the tennis court.

You thought he was a jerk then. He’s still a jerk now.

Only now, he’s president of the United States. His parents didn’t buy him the SUV and the tickets to the concerts and the jet rides to New York. You did.

As the rest of the country suffers through a real unemployment rate of about 20 percent according to certain estimates, President Obama takes jaunts to Maine with his family – and he makes sure to fly his dog, Bo, into town on a separate jet. He holds concerts at the White House, where he and Michelle get to watch Nathan Lane make gay jokes and Elaine Stritch croak out her signature tunes while averring, “I’d love to get drunk with the president.” In case you didn’t catch President Obama’s last White House concert, make sure to tune into PBS on July 28 for a replay of his June 2 event featuring Sir Paul McCartney, Stevie Wonder, Elvis Costello, the Jonas Brothers, Herbie Hancock and Faith Hill, among others.

According to press reports, President Obama has played 41 rounds of golf since his accession to office. He’s played seven of those rounds since April 20, when the Gulf oil spill occurred. How many rounds of golf have you played since the beginning of the recession in July 2008?

Probably not many. Because you work for a living. President Obama, by contrast, perks for a living. And he’s constantly shocked that those of us who do work expect others to work for a living, too.

That’s why he sees no problem whatsoever in feasting on ice cream and lobster in Bar Harbor, while lecturing Republicans about their cruelty in holding up yet another extension of “unemployment benefits” (that phrase gets scare quotes once you’ve been on the unemployment rolls for two years). That’s why Obama makes conspicuous consumption his lifestyle, even as he scoffs at the exploding national debt. He’s enjoying the good life; why shouldn’t you? He’s not working; why should you? Let those benighted conservative businesspeople sweat it out – President Obama is inviting you to a free taxpayer-funded vacation.

That’s just the kind of Man Of The People he is. He never had to do a thing of value for his $5 million per year earnings, his Tony Rezko-brokered property in Illinois, and his current Oval Office gratuities. Why should you have to do something simply to pay your rent? Stick with him, kid, and you’ll never go hungry again.

That’s why it’s great to be Obama’s buddy – a union member, a liberal African-American, a pro-illegal immigration Hispanic, a Wall Street crony. You know that Obama will lend you a buck or two. He’s just like that high school kid with the Rolex: If you hang out with him long enough, kiss his posterior and talk about what a terrific guy he is, you’re bound to enter his clique. And once you do, the benefits flow forth from daddy’s checkbook.

But at least the high school sleazeball had to answer to Daddy; if Daddy saw the depleting bank account, he’d take away the credit card. Obama has no daddy. He’s the teenage kid with no credit limit – and all the responsible adults have been shipped out of town on a rail.

It’s not that the president of the United States isn’t allowed a little down time. It’s that he finds it so easy to slack off using our money, while the rest of us bear down. But that’s the story of his life: he’s always lived on our dime. There’s only one problem: all leeches need a live body to suck dry. If we’re all leeches, we all die.

But Obama’s not worried about that. That’s thinking long term, which has apparently been banned along with trans fats and affordable ammunition. Instead, Obama wants increased focus on those who are suffering now. Specifically, Obama wants increased focus on how they, too, can become permanent barnacles on the buttocks of society.

We should have seen it coming. Obama’s not just the first mixed-race president. He’s the First Moocher. And he’s all for equality of opportunity when it comes to mooching.

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