Big Joey Pinocchio
He announced that the United States and Mexico are equals.
In the mob world, it is customary for the dons and their soldiers to give each other nicknames. So, a goombah might be called “Tony Peaches” because he liked peaches or “Big Al” because he was large, and his name was Al or “Icepick Pete” because an icepick was his weapon of choice.
Well, inasmuch as Joe Biden, the head of America’s major crime family, is a proven plagiarist and an inveterate liar, it stands to reason that he would be linked to literature’s most notorious fibber.
Just the other day, while having a virtual meeting with the president of Mexico, for no particular reason except that it is second nature for Biden to lie, he announced that the United States and Mexico are equals.
I mean, if he felt the overwhelming urge to tell a falsehood, he could have said that Mexico is a good neighbor. But, no, he had to go whole hog and insist that, language apart, there’s no telling the two nations apart.
Given the opportunity, I would have asked Señor Biden to explain himself.
Has Mexico our level of literacy? Has Mexico our economy? Are Mexico’s cops as honest as ours are? Has Mexico our history of fighting Fascism, Communism and Islamic terrorism?
Is Mexico a beacon of freedom for the world? Heck, it’s barely a way station for people from Central America trying to reach the U.S., even though they share a common language.
Words matter, Mr. Pinocchio, and even people who require a translator to understand English recognize bullshit when they hear it.
While all the headless Chicken Littles are running around clucking about the sky falling (climate change), something really scary is taking place. It seems that the average sperm count in the U.S. decreased by 59% between 1973 and 2011. No explanation why there hasn’t been an update in the past decade, but the guess is that we’ll hit 0% by 2045.
The experts are blaming the terrifying numbers on chemicals, those in our air and in our food.
To me, the biggest surprise is that the decline is so widespread, and includes the sperm count of cops, firemen, construction workers, forest rangers, coal miners and members of the military.
I would have guessed it was limited to Republican politicians.
The Nazis burned books. But we’re Americans. We worry about the environment, so we merely ban them. Or, rather, Jeff Bezos, the putz who owns Amazon, the biggest book seller in the world, bans them on our behalf.
He has recently removed Clarence Thomas’s autobiography and a video about the Supreme Court justice’s life from the list of available titles. Bezos has decided that everything connected to the black Conservative reeks of hate speech.
While he was at it, he has banned the sale of “When Harry Became Sally,” a book that was a best seller when it was published in 2018.
In it, author Ryan Anderson dealt with the growing acceptance of transgenderism in the most tolerant way imaginable. He wrote “We need to respect the dignity of people who identify as transgender without encouraging children to undergo experimental transition treatment and without trampling on the needs and interests of others.”
He did argue that the growing acceptance of transgenderism stemmed more from ideology than from science, but I suspect that even Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner and Bradley/Chelsea Manning would disagree with Jeff Bezos that it constituted hate or even hurtful speech.
Still, even Herr Bezos is only one man, albeit the richest, most powerful man in the world, so Dr. Seuss Enterprises, taking their cue from pinheaded librarians across America, is discontinuing publication of several of his titles.
Among the racist, hate-mongering books that will disappear are “And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street,” “If I Ran the Zoo,” “McElligot’s Pool,” “On Beyond Zebra!” “Scrambled Eggs Super!” and “The Cat’s Quizzer.”
In a full-blown mea culpa, a spokesman for the estate said: “These books portray people in ways that are hurtful and wrong. Ceasing sales of these books is only part of our commitment and our broader plan to ensure Dr. Seuss Enterprises’ catalog represents and supports all communities and families.”
You can hardly blame them for trying to protect the brand. Dr. Seuss (aka Theodor Seuss Geisel) died in 1991, but the estate grossed $33 million in 2020, second among dead celebrities only to Michael Jackson.
The spokesperson went on to thank teachers, academics and specialists in the field (specialists in censorship?) for bringing the author’s racist beliefs to their attention.
Amazing, though, that it took so many decades and so many millions of readers before anyone noticed how many similarities existed between “Scrambled Eggs Super!” and “Mein Kampf.”
Bob Hunt sent me a meme that showed a picture (could have been a mug shot) of a young white American male. The caption read: “Know the Warning Signs of White Supremacy: Full-time employment; Literacy; Professional or Technical Degree; Regular Church/Temple Attendance; Auto Insurance; Good Credit Rating; No Criminal Record.”
Needless to say, that is exactly the sort of racist propaganda that concerned citizens like Jeff Bezos and the folks at Seuss Enterprises are trying to keep away from our highly impressionable children.
Arthur Lourea was the first person to send me the meme of the polar bear we’ve become accustomed to seeing in Coca-Cola’s TV commercials. The picture shows the bear gazing sadly at the bottle of Coke clutched in his paws; the caption reads: “After working at Coca-Cola for his entire career, Bill was notified that he was too white.”
Speaking of the great North, Ed Rolanty, the pride and joy of Toronto, Canada, let me know that in December, an elite eight-man anti-crime unit conducted the biggest gun and drug bust in Toronto history. “Two weeks prior to that, a not so-elite group of 150 cops, including six mounted on horses, arrested a barbecue joint owner about a mile from my house for serving a couple of brisket sandwiches indoors.”
I let him know that made perfect sense to me. After all, who’s to say that brisket sandwiches and spareribs aren’t every bit as addictive as heroin?“
John Sarantos passed along a two-panel meme that showed Joe Biden in the first panel saying "No one needs an AR15 to defend themselves…” and in the second showed the National Guardsmen deployed to our nation’s capital, and concluded “…just go buy yourself 21,000 soldiers.”
I often chew gum when I’m writing an article. I used to smoke Marlboros. As I see it, it’s better to rot my teeth than my lungs.
In any case, I have taken to chewing Bazooka. I used to prefer Fleur’s Double Bubble when I was a kid, but I haven’t seen it around lately. In any case, I decided to check out the little Bazooka Joe cartoon strip that accompanies the gum inside the wrapping to see if the jokes are still as bad as the ones that Pat Miano sends my way.
Was I shocked! I couldn’t read them, even with my glasses on. They were in Hebrew. That led me to check the bag and sure enough, the gum is a product of the Strauss Group Ltd., Nazareth, Israel. What’s more, its production is overseen by the Nazareth rabbinate, no less.
My grandparents would be so proud to know I’m blowing kosher bubbles.
You can email Burt directly at [email protected].
