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Burt Prelutsky / May 17, 2021

The Vanishing Whistleblowers

None of the Deep Staters in the Washington bureaucracy are being ratted out by their subordinates.

It wasn’t that along ago that whistleblowers were held up as unsung heroes. Time magazine even went so far as to name them People of the Year. I realize that Time is always telling its readers that they’re recognizing those who made the most news the previous year, not necessarily that they are honoring the likes of Hitler, Mussolini and Stalin.

But in the case of the whistleblowers, they were being hailed as people who put principles over job security.

As you have probably noticed, none of the Deep Staters in the Washington bureaucracy are being ratted out by their subordinates.

In spite of the fact that people like James Comey, John Brennan, Michael Hayden and James Clapper, were active participants in a treasonous coup to impeach President Trump, I don’t recall any of the thousands of agents at the FBI, the CIA or the NSA, blowing a whistle on their superiors.

I did, however, hear a great many people, including muddleheaded Republicans like William Barr assuring us that these bureaucrats, all of whom have top security clearance, were all loyal patriots.

Of course, if one of the subordinates had managed to bring documented proof of wrongdoing to the New York Times or the Washington Post, I am betting they would not have been greeted quite as warmly as Daniel Ellsberg, Julian Assange, Edward Snowden and Bradley Manning, were.

Speaking of dangerous people in high positions, one has to wonder what pinhead at the CIA produced the recruiting video featuring a “proud Latina” (no, not Sonia Sotomayor) who boasts that she can change a diaper with one hand while consoling a toddler with the other. At the same time, she admits she’s not perfect. In fact, she sounds like she’s bragging when she mentions that she suffers from generalized anxiety disorder.

She is certainly no shrinking violet. This is a woman who will tell anyone who will listen that “I intoxicate with my energy and my brilliance.”

Coincidentally, that was to be the opening line of my autobiography. But now I would be accused of plagiarism. So now I’ll probably go with “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”

Perhaps the fault is mine. It’s possible that the movies gave me the wrong idea of what is expected of a CIA agent. I just can’t picture Miss Moneypenny swooning when James Bond casually mentions that he can diaper a baby with one hand and console a toddler with the other.

In its own defense, the CIA brushes aside ridicule by announcing that the Agency is setting recruiting records.

I have no doubt, but who the heck is signing up in response to that commercial? I’ll tell you who. Babysitters, that’s who. And who can blame them? They’re sick and tired of making $5 an hour, no pension, no medical, no gun and no license to kill.

I just heard that Joe Biden has rolled out a plan to incentivize those reluctant to get vaccinated by handing out gift cards and tickets to ballgames. Good but not good enough. I figure when they get really desperate, they’ll start giving out refrigerators, new cars and trips to exotic resorts. Maybe then I’ll at least think about it.

It may have been the same day that Biden nearly got me to change my party registration that he announced that with his new tax plan those of us making less than $400,000 a year wouldn’t pay a penny in income taxes.

His mop-up crew later explained that even though he was reading a script, he had somehow left out a word, and what he meant to say was that people making less than $400,000 a year wouldn’t be paying a penny more in taxes.

Since I knew that was a lie, I wondered why I ever listen to anything he says.

We can only hope that the translators are up to the job when this idiot is speaking to Putin, Xi, Kim and the Ayatollah.

As if Derek Chauvin’s lawyers didn’t already have a bunch of legitimate reasons to have his verdict set aside on appeal, we now learn that a black man, Brandon Mitchell, lied his way onto the jury.

During the jury selection, he swore that he hadn’t attended any of the George Floyd rallies.

It was later discovered that not only had he attended a rally in Washington, D.C., but he wore a BLM sweatshirt bearing Floyd’s picture and the line “Get Your Knee Off My Neck” to the event.

It would constitute poetic justice if Chauvin walked free and this schmuck wound up behind bars.

Upon hearing the news that after 27 years of marriage, Bill and Melinda Gates, were splitting up, I checked to see if they had any children. It seems they have three, and each of them is in the will, but only for $10 million each.

That may sound like a lot to you, but the parents are worth $130 billion. Bill and Melinda have decided their loot will go to their favorite charities, all of them left-wing and dangerous to the nation. It’s a shame that their favorite offspring wasn’t Jennifer, Rory or Phoebe, who might have squandered the fortune having fun. Instead, their favorite was the ill-conceived B&M Foundation, which will continue promoting their lunacy long after they can no longer be re-booted.

During a recent exchange of email, Colette Spangenberger and I discovered that we had both grown tired of toothpaste that tastes minty. Granted, someone a long time ago decided that peppermint gave people the illusion that their teeth were shinier and their breath fresher if the taste of peppermint lingered in their mouth.

But Mrs. Spangenberger and I both agree that a fortune is just sitting there waiting, one might say with bated breath, for the smart cookie who comes up with toothpaste that tastes like oranges, cherries or strawberries.

Ray Bastings sent along a meme that shows Medina Spirit leading the pack across the finish line at the Kentucky Derby. The caption reads: “Derby winner jockey John Velazquez turned down an invitation to the White House, saying: "If I wanted to see a horse’s ass, I would have come in second.”

After a few people weighed in on my comment that people who aren’t prepared to raise their own children should consider having cats, Stephen Hanover let me know he agreed. “Cats,” he wrote, “are low maintenance and they’re independent thinkers. They won’t do what you tell them, although kids won’t either.”

In response, I wrote: “Kids are just stubborn and intentionally annoying. But I’ve heard that cats sleep 20 hours out of every 24. It makes me wonder if they’d like to be more cooperative, but simply can’t stay awake long enough to follow instructions.”

I wonder if these big wig CEOs understand the message they’re sending people when they put their wokeness on full display.

For instance, Brian Cornell, who’s the big enchilada at Target, wrote a check for $10 million and sent it to the extortionists at BLM after they torched one of his stores in Minneapolis.

I happen to have a Target less than a mile from my house. Is it any wonder that every time I drive past, I find myself thinking how easy it would be to run out one night and set it ablaze? I could even paint a BLM sign on the parking lot, letting Mr. Cornell know that Burt’s Life Matters, and include my address so he’d know where to send the check.

You can email Burt directly at [email protected]

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