Burt Prelutsky / September 25, 2021

The Miraculously Immune

“Health experts” would have us believe that only Americans — specifically white Republicans — can get Covid.

There is always the chance that I’m not thinking straight, but it seems to me that the health experts, a large group that includes not only Anthony Fauci and Rochelle Walensky, but Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, Gretchen Whitmer, Gavin Newsom, Lloyd Austin and Mark Milley, would have us believe that only Americans — specifically white Republicans — can get Covid or pass it along.

As peculiar as that is, it’s not unknown in medical circles. After all, sickle cell anemia is pretty much limited to black Americans, while Tay Sachs is the exclusive property of Ashkenazi Jews. Apparently, something similar is going on with Covid. That’s why, in spite of all the mandates involving masks, social distancing and vaccines, the same medical authorities who worry about white people venturing out of their homes unless wearing hazmat suits and industrial-grade face shields were totally unconcerned when thousands of unmasked black people rioted last summer in the streets of our major cities; and today are not worried that a million unvaccinated Latin Americans and a hundred thousand unvaccinated Afghans are being welcomed with open arms.

There are a couple of medical crises in the U.S. The first is the shortage of nurses, due to the fact that thousands of them are refusing to be vaccinated. You would think the fact that those who have to deal with Covid victims are giving up their jobs rather than get the shots would raise widespread alarms, but of course the media is keeping a lid on it.

The second crisis involves the mental health of the control freaks who are hitting the vaccinated with the same restrictive limitations as the unvaccinated.

A friend, Jay Lehr, let me know he has no pet peeves because he is somehow able to maintain a positive attitude.

I said I couldn’t afford to because if I succeeded I’d have nothing to write about.

He replied: “Good point. Good news radio stations always fail.”

I agreed, adding the obvious point that “You can’t turn a profit when you only have enough material to broadcast for 17 minutes a day.”

Stephen Hanover let me know his pet peeve is the “God awful music that the guys who wear their caps backward and their pants below their belts play overloud so as to annoy everyone else.”

That reminded me of one of my 784 pet peeves. That’s when those schmucks playing the garbage pull up beside me at red lights and have their radios cranked up so high that it makes my car vibrate.

The late journalist Sydney Harris once sagely observed that “Once we assuage our conscience by calling something a necessary evil, it begins to look more and more necessary and less and less evil.”

Suzan Reiner informed me that although the Weather Channel now blames every weather disaster on man-made climate change, John Coleman, a co-founder of the Channel, did not believe in climate change. “The poor fellow must be rolling over in his grave.”

But perhaps not as rapidly as Walt Disney, who must be wondering how on earth it happened that Goofy, Dopey, Grumpy and Sneezy, gained control of his beloved company.

Thanks to idiots at all levels, tolerance has become a synonym for cowardice and stupidity. It is in the name of tolerance for those who are different that we now have men calling themselves women competing for trophies, athletic scholarships and bathroom stalls with actual females.

We also have school administrators telling students at Eastlake High in Sammamish, Washington, that they could not wear red, white and blue, to a sporting event on 9/11. They were told that while the spokeswoman for the school acknowledged “the sacrifice and values that the flag represents,” added “But I think the school just did not want to unintentionally cause offense to some who see it differently.”

She did not tell us who those people are who do not see 9/11 as a day of infamy. It does make a person wonder, though, if Al Qaeda has moved its base of operations from Kabul to Sammamish.

Speaking of Washington, Mark Perry reports that Governor Jay Inslee is outdoing himself when it comes to installing draconian measures in his attempt to force every resident of the state to fall into line. He writes: “I think we on the Right should adopt the slogan ‘Don’t vax, don’t tell.’”

Bryan Nielsen voiced my own feelings when he wrote to say “Our biggest problem is not charlatan politicians. We’ve had crooks and crackpots since the invention of politics. The bigger problem are the morons who keep electing them. Or as my friend Phil puts it, pick any three people and two of them will be idiots.”

At first reading, that sounded about right. But then it dawned on me that if Phil makes that crack with two other people in the room, he is likely to wind up two people beating the crap out of him.

That scamp Bob Hunt shared a meme posted on the bulletin board of the VFW Lincoln Post 1483 that reads: “If Bruce Jenner goes missing, will his picture be on a carton of half and half?”

Someone sent me a batch of memes devoted to old people’s issues, as if I need reminding. But in case some of you can’t recall what you had for lunch, here are a few friendly clues that you are not alone.

“You drop something when you were younger, you just pick it up. When you’re older and you drop something, you stare at it for a while, contemplating if you actually need it anymore.”

“When you’re dead, you don’t know you’re dead. The pain is only felt by others. The same holds true when you’re stupid.”

The third is a cartoon showing a pharmacist speaking to a customer: “You may experience irritability and pain in the hand and wrist…and that’s just from trying to get the cap off.”

It’s that man again. Bob Hunt, who never sleeps, passed along several generic memes, meaning that you don’t have to be as old as I am to nod along and mutter “Ain’t it the truth?”

“Never leave home without a kiss, a hug and an ‘I love you.’ Then remove the dog hair from your mouth and walk to your car.”

“We all know mirrors don’t lie. I’m just grateful they don’t laugh out loud.”

“You come from dust, and you will return to dust. That’s why I don’t dust. It could be someone I know.”

“I think my dog follows me into the bathroom because I always follow him outside when he does his business, and he thinks that’s the way it works.”

“Every family has one weird relative. If you don’t know who it is, it’s probably you.”

“Laughter is the best medicine. Or wine. It might be wine.”

“Remember when we had to smack the TV because the channel wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about far too many people.”

“Instead of a sign that says, ‘Do not disturb,’ I need one that says, ‘Already disturbed, proceed with caution.”

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