President Obama wore a U.S. flag pin on his lapel during his speech in Tucson. He wasn’t making a political point. Arizona issues an American flag lapel pin to anybody who can’t prove their citizenship to identify them as one-day visitors.

Barack Obama told the crowd after he visited Gabrielle Giffords’ hospital room she opened her eyes for the first time. All in a day’s work. A really good politician will heal the lame and then write them a five hundred dollar ticket for parking in a handicapped zone.

Minnesota wrestling coach Jacob Volkmann was suspended by his school after he won a UFC match and challenged President Obama to a fight. He thinks Obama is a socialist. The coach was put on salaried leave, so in Obama’s honor he will be paid for doing nothing.

China’s president Hu Jintao arrived in the U.S. capital for talks at the White House this week. He’s said he’s always amazed whenever he sees the Washington Monument. He simply can’t understand how a city of three million people can get by with one watchtower.

Chinese President Hu Jintao was greeted at Reagan National Airport by Joe Biden. He has four days of meetings all over the U.S. capital. He’s being accompanied everywhere he goes by a hundred Chinese security agents to make sure he doesn’t defect.

President Obama met with Chinese President Hu Jintao and China’s treasury officials at the White House. It’s become routine by now. According to the terms of the bankruptcy agreement, every six months the president has to meet with the owners.

Barack Obama and Hu Jintao had a news conference. The audio feed and translation relays had dozens of electronic glitches. It was embarrassing when halfway through the news conference both China and the U.S. had to call India for technical support.

Hu Jintao dodged a question about human rights in China at the White House press conference Wednesday. He said he had trouble hearing the translation. The rules of the press conference were that you weren’t allowed to say human rights or birth certificate.

Senator Mark Udall proposed that Democrats and Republicans sit mixed together during the State of the Union speech instead of on separate sides. It had to be the president’s idea. Nothing throws off a comedian like when half the room is laughing at your jokes while the other half of the room is just standing up and applauding them.

South Carolina schoolchildren had to go to classes Monday on the Martin Luther King holiday to make up for last week’s snow days. There were widespread protests throughout the state. They don’t want kids going to school on Robert E. Lee’s Birthday.

The Pentagon issued a study saying it’s time to let women serve in combat. They’ve completed their research. They threw a terrorist into a cage with Whoopi Goldberg and Joy Behar and Barbara Walters and witnessed three violations of the Geneva Convention.

Tiger Mothers is a hot new book recommending that American mothers raise their kids like Chinese mothers, who require their children to make all A’s and allow no play dates, no school plays, no TV and no video games. It’s an outrage. Americans don’t need the Chinese to tell us to work harder and have less fun, we have Obama for that.

Congressman Steve Cohen addressed the House Wednesday and likened Republican arguments against health care reform to Nazi propaganda. That’s absurd. Just because health care reform has got the same approval rating Hitler has doesn’t make it Nazi propaganda.

© Copyright 2010 Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and speaks to groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at [email protected].