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Argus Hamilton / March 26, 2011

From The Comedy Store

President Obama returned home from a trip to South America Wednesday. While in Chile he paid a surprise visit to a grade-school history class. The children explained to the president the dangers of going into war with no clear goal and no clear exit strategy.

President Obama addressed the nation on Japan’s nuclear disaster from the Rose Garden. He assured Japan we stand by them. He ordered a comprehensive review of America’s nuclear plants, which now include every crop in California’s Central Valley.

President Obama ordered a safety review of all U.S. nuclear plants as radiation clouds crossed the ocean. He believes in safety first. Barack Obama assured Californians there’s no danger of nuclear radiation arriving from Japan, as he boarded a plane for Brazil.

Japan’s Fukushima nuclear plant emitted a plume of nuclear radiation that wafted across the ocean to California. No one though Japan would ever endanger the U.S. with nuclear radiation. It’s another example of what goes around, comes around.

Japan’s nuclear plant disaster shut down Toyota of Japan’s Prius factory. The plant halted production which halted exports which eventually will halt Prius sales in the U.S. It should be safe to walk across the street again by mid-May.

Toyota announced it’s shutting down its Lexus plants in Japan for awhile, which could cut off Lexus exports to the U.S. It’s a blow to auto safety. The car’s tendency to accelerate wildly without any warning made Americans too scared to text while driving.

Minnesota Vikings star Adrian Peterson said playing in the NFL is like slavery. If players knew the history of Northern Europe there’d be one less mascot in the NFL. For years Southern slave owners defended their way of life by saying at least they aren’t Vikings.

Sarah Palin learned she’s polling behind Charlie Sheen for president among independent voters in the Reuters poll. Hey, they could both win. The next election will mark the twentieth year that Baby Boomers took over this country and started electing presidents for their entertainment value.

Moammar Khadaffi accused the U.S. and Britain Sunday of launching a colonial war against Libya to seize their oil. It’s another case of racial profiling by authorities. Have you ever noticed it’s always the English-speaking people who get pulled over for colonialism?

President Obama cut short his three-day trip to Latin America to rush home and supervise Libya. He was losing control of the narrative. President Obama would never forgive himself if America won this thing while everyone was calling it Hillary’s War.

President Obama returned home from a trip to South America Wednesday. While in Chile he paid a surprise visit to a grade-school history class. The children explained to the president the dangers of going into war with no clear goal and no clear exit strategy.

Newsweek ran a story this week showing how difficult it is to pass the U.S. citizenship test. It looks bad. They gave a thousand Americans the U.S. citizenship test and seventy-one percent of Americans couldn’t name the vice president, and one of them was Joe Biden.

Hillary Clinton revealed Wednesday she will step down as Secretary of State after the first term ends. She said the job requires her to spend all her time away from home. That prompted Bill Clinton to call the president and volunteer to take her place.

The White House agreed last week to extend Geneva convention protections to al-Qaeda fighters captured while attempting terror attacks. They can’t be tortured any more under questioning. All they have to give is their name, rank and serial killer.

© Copyright 2010 Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and speaks to groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at [email protected]

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