From The Comedy Store
President Obama appeared before reporters Wednesday and produced a long form Hawaii birth certificate from fifty years ago. There’s no doubt about the authenticity of the birth certificate. It lists his name, his birthdate and his number of Twitter followers.
L.A. Dodgers former owner Peter O'Malley offered to run the team until the league gets a new owner for it. His family is legendary in the game. In the best interests of baseball we’re returning everything to the O'Malley family except what we’re returning to the Maris family.
GOP House Speaker John Boehner pointed out that the U.S. does not have to raise taxes in order to raise more federal revenue. He’s so right. We could balance the federal budget just by selling videos of air traffic control screens as a cure for insomnia.
President Obama held a town hall meeting in California at the Facebook headquarters in Palo Alto. The website is just like sitting in prison. You waste a lot of time talking about yourself, you write on walls and get you poked by people you never met.
President Obama held a town hall at the Facebook headquarters in Palo Alto with founder Mark Zuckerberg. He praised Facebook for changing our lives. Could you believe it was only seven years ago that you could lose touch with all the people who annoyed you?
The Oklahoma Senate passed a bill forcing a presidential candidate to provide proof of citizenship to be on the ballot. The law would require hard proof of a candidate’s birthplace and true age. If California passed this law no movie star would ever run for governor again.
The Transportation Department warned of high airline ticket prices this year due to high fuel costs. There are still bargains out there. For instance if you book a late-night flight you can now upgrade to an awake air traffic controller for twenty dollars.
Atlanta City Council members proposed a new ordinance banning low-riding baggy pants worn by street gangs. Opposition is fierce. Police say the inability of gang members to run while wearing low slung pants is responsible for the increase in captures.
President Obama had a ball hosting the White House Easter Egg Roll on the South Lawn. Twenty thousand children enjoyed the roll, then gathered around for story time. Some guy in a bunny suit read them the story of how Rush Limbaugh stole Christmas.
NATO launched guided missiles Monday targeted directly at Moammar Khadaffi’s house in Tripoli, but they wiped out a conference center next door. It was the third time in the dictator’s life that he’s been targeted by cruise missiles which barely missed him. U.S. presidents get really aggravated afterwards when Khadaffi waves his red cape and bows to the crowd.
The White House jumped on the oil industry after Chevron, Shell, Exxon and Conoco Phillips reported huge profits. However, BP didn’t have to pay taxes. They got billions in child tax credits for all the restaurant owners and shrimp fishermen they adopted last year.
Daily Variety reported that Teleprompter inventor Hubert Schlafly died on Tuesday at age ninety-one. He invented the Teleprompter sixty years ago to help TV actors who couldn’t remember their lines. When President Obama heard the news he was speechless.
President Obama appeared before reporters Wednesday and produced a long form Hawaii birth certificate from fifty years ago. There’s no doubt about the authenticity of the birth certificate. It lists his name, his birthdate and his number of Twitter followers.
The FAA fired another air traffic controller who fell asleep in Seattle Airport’s tower last week. Now he’s eligible for ninety-nine weeks of unemployment pay. A lot of people do not realize the coffee they drink at work to stay awake is the cause of all their problems.
© Copyright 2010 Argus Hamilton
