Babylon Bee
183 pieces tagged “Babylon Bee”, newest first.
Humor: Veteran Slams Elon Musk for Taking Away His Social Security
Meet CPL Henry Thomas III. He served his country admirably during the American Civil War — but now, Musk is stripping him of his Social Security benefits.
Humor: How the Food Pyramid Was Invented
The Babylon Bee has unearthed this rare footage of how our nutrition guidelines were carefully designed by the best experts that money could buy.
Humor: Army Announces People With Ukraine Flags in Bio Will Be Drafted First
Did you know that under a new presidential order, if you post that you stand with Ukraine, you will immediately be drafted into the military?
Humor: DOGE Agents Take on Insane Corruption at USAID
Bureaucratic incompetence knows no bounds. Can they tame the beast of our national debt, or will they be wasted like our tax dollars?
Humor: Congressmen to Wear Barcodes
To make purchasing congresspeople easier and faster for lobbyists, congresspeople will now have barcodes printed on their foreheads to be conveniently scanned at newly installed self-checkout machines.
Humor: Trump Unveils Bold New Country Names
Here are all the places Trump is using his surprisingly extensive executive power to rename.
Humor: Entire Federal Workforce Replaced by One 16-Year-Old Chick-fil-A Worker
As a cost-saving measure, all 3,000,000 federal employees have been laid off. In their place, the government has hired a teenaged CFA employee named Devyn.
Humor: Foolproof Ways to Avoid Getting Deported
ICE is no joke. If you want to avoid getting caught and deported, use one of these 10 clever tricks to slip away undetected. Very bueno!
Humor: Meet the LAFD's First Paraplegic Firefighter
Meet John Larson, a paraplegic firefighter who is breaking barriers, much like the pit bull that broke both of his legs. John's leadership is giving a huge leg up (not literally) to the first-responder scene.
Humor: Santa Announces His Retirement
Citing concerns about wokeness, stiff competition from Amazon, and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat and belt for good.
Humor: 10 Great Career Options for the Unemployed Kamala Harris
Harris is out of a job, but fear not — The Babylon Bee has some great ideas.
Satire: Visit California: It's America's Future
It's one of the top states in the nation for lots of things, like gas prices, traffic, and blackouts. Visit California and get a little glimpse into the future of any socialist nation.
Humor: 9 Things RFK Is Doing on Day One to Make America Healthy Again
Americans are fat and lazy. RFK Jr. is going to change all that with these nine great ideas to get everyone back into shape.
75% of Elves Laid Off After Elon Musk Visits North Pole
"Bloat is the enemy of efficiency," he said.
Humor: Woke Dungeons and Dragons
The new edition of Dungeons and Dragons includes trigger warnings for content you feel is objectionable.
Humor: 12 Irrefutable Proofs That Climate Change Is Real
Lots of ignorant bigots believe climate change is a hoax. We've compiled this list of 12 compelling reasons climate change is quite obviously real — and it's going to kill us all.
Biden Forced To Issue Another Pardon After Hunter Commits 17 More Crimes
"Listen up, folks… everybody makes mistakes. Hunter is the finest and most intelligent man I've ever known."
Satire: Dems Meet to Figure Out What to Do Differently in 2028
They've gathered at the DNC to ask one question: "Are we out of touch? Or are the voters just wrong?"
Satire: How to Talk to Your Racist MAGA Uncle This Thanksgiving
You're a better person than your backward, idiotic MAGA family members. Here are seven ways you can convince them you're right and they're evil this Thanksgiving.
SPLC Haters Target Not the Bee
The leftist "anti-hate" organization doxxes writers of the conservative media outfit.