Open Borders

“We have built safe mobility offices in Colombia, Ecuador, Guatemala, Costa Rica to reach people where they are so they don’t have to take the perilous journey.” —DHS Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas

The BIG Lies

“Under our administration … violent crime is now near a 50-year low.” —Kamala Harris

“Nobody is paying for [student] debt relief.” —Congressman Jim Clyburn (D-SC)

Hot Air

“The only existential threat to humanity, including nuclear weapons, is if we do nothing on climate change.” —Joe Biden

Non Compos Mentis

“The idea we had to wait all those months just to get the money for Iraq [read: Ukraine] that we, because we’re waiting — I mean, it’s just, it’s just, it’s not who we are.” —Joe Biden

Sleepy Joe

“My advance team says I gotta be the first one to leave.” —Joe Biden letting French President Emmanuel Macron know that he must avoid the press after the D-Day ceremony

Dumb & Dumber

“This is going to be a very hard-fought race, but when the chips are down, the American people are going to show up just like those [D-Day] kids did 80 years ago.” —Biden campaign co-chair Mitch Landrieu

“We’re seeing the gravest threat to American democracy on our own land that we have seen in the history of the country, and Donald Trump is that threat.” —Mitch Landrieu

“It sounds nuts, but I wouldn’t be surprised if this guy [Trump] threw me in jail.” —Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY)

Lack of Self-Awareness Awards

“During these challenging times on the foreign policy front … can you imagine having Donald Trump back in the White House trying to manage all of this? I mean, President Biden’s a seasoned foreign policy pro.” —Biden campaign spokeswoman Adrienne Elrod

“We have … seen what happens when dangerous misinformation drives a wedge between communicators and the American people.” —White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre

“Stop undermining the rule of law. Stop undermining the institutions.” —Joe Biden

Useful Idiots

“More than 200 Palestinians killed in Israeli hostage raid in Gaza.” —The Washington Post

“Israel’s Euphoria Over Hostage Rescue May Be Fleeting.” —The New York Times

“It’s so good to see the hostages returned. A ceasefire would have gotten many more hostages back and no civilians and children killed. This siege is cruel and senseless. Grinding innocent human beings and their culture into blood soaked rubble and dust, to be buried and forgotten. 4 for 274 including kids. It’s a sinful equation that keeps repeating.” —actor Mark Ruffalo

For the Record

“Have you ever had one of those days? You’re just sitting at home minding your own business, guarding the Israeli hostages your Hamas buddies kidnapped after their bloody rampage on October 7. Then, all of a sudden, for no reason whatsoever, a bunch of Zionists bust in and kill you. A lot of you. Hundreds of you, if your terrorist comrades are to be believed. And for what? Why did so many people need to die just for four Jews? Aren't your lives important too? That’s what Hamas supporters are feeling today, because they’re evil idiots. And by ‘Hamas supporters,’ I mean CNN.” —Jim Treacher

“If Gazans don’t want their people killed in hostage rescue missions, they shouldn’t take hostages in the first place.” —Senator Tom Cotton (R-AR)

“I find that one of the best ways to avoid being blown up is to refrain from keeping hostages in your house.” —David Harsanyi

Upright

“We should all be grateful that [Merrick Garland] did not secure a lifetime appointment to the Supreme Court as the supposed ‘moderate’ Barack Obama proclaimed him to be. He’s been a leading goon for the injustice perpetrated by the Biden administration, and he ought to be impeached.” —Nate Jackson

“The threat from China is growing every day. Citizens must awake to this reality and insist that our nation’s leaders act now to prepare America for the inevitable conflict with China.” —Brent Ramsey

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Follow Jordan Candler on X/Twitter.