Dumb & Dumber

“That was an impressive hour-long press conference.” —Senator Chris Coons (D-DE) regarding Biden’s pitiful Thursday presser

“There’s an obsession in the media that [Biden] should step aside, and he’s simply not going to. I mean … who else do we know, frankly, in Congress currently serving right now who could get up on that stage [Thursday] night at a press conference for nearly an hour and talk about a wide range of policy issues?” —Biden campaign spokeswoman Adrienne Elrod

“To answer the question on everyone’s minds: No, Joe Biden does not have a doctorate in foreign affairs. He’s just that f***ing good.” —White House Deputy Press Secretary Andrew Bates

The BIG Lies

“At least five presidents running or incumbent presidents … had lower numbers than I have now.” —Joe Biden

“If I slow down, I can’t get the job done, that’s a sign that I shouldn’t be doing it. But there’s no indication of that yet. None.” —Joe Biden

Delusions of Grandeur

“Find me an economist, a major economist who said we haven’t done well.” —Joe Biden

“Most presidential historians give me credit for having accomplished more than most any president since Johnson and maybe before that.” —Joe Biden

Non Compos Mentis

“I’m following the advice of my commander-in-chief.” —Joe Biden

Shot/Chaser, Part I

“I’m the guy that shut Putin down. No one thought [it] could happen.” —Joe Biden, July 5

“Russia strikes a children’s hospital in Kyiv and other sites across Ukraine.” —NPR, July 8

Shot/Chaser, Part II

“The frantic reaction was prompted by President Trump’s suggestion on Thursday at a White House briefing that an ‘injection inside’ the human body with a disinfectant like bleach or isopropyl alcohol could help combat the [COVID] virus.” —The New York Times, April 2020

“[Trump] did not instruct people to inject bleach, but suggested that doing so with a disinfectant was an ‘interesting’ concept to test out.” —The New York Times, July 2024

Theater of the Absurd

“The threat we face at the border isn’t from the migrants. It’s from the billionaires and politicians getting working people to point the finger at one another.” —UAW President Shawn Fain

For the Record

“Democrats smeared the SAVE Act as ‘racist.’ I can’t imagine how it is racist to ensure the integrity of the votes of black citizens, Hispanic citizens, and Asian citizens. But that’s left-wing logic for you.” —Gary Bauer

“Democrats say it’s already illegal for noncitizens to vote in federal elections. That’s true. It’s also illegal for someone to illegally enter our country, but that hasn’t stopped millions and millions of people.” —Congressman Bryan Steil (R-WI)