Tempest in a Teapot

“Number of words in Trump’s inaugural address about renaming the Gulf of Mexico, renaming Denali mountain, and retaking the Panama Canal: 213. Number of words about making housing, health care, or child care more affordable: Zero.” —Senator Elizabeth Warren

Lack of Self-Awareness Award

“You can’t just spin a tale and pull the wool over people’s eyes. This is CNN.” —CNN’s Jim Acosta, a professional tale-spinner

Delusions of Grandeur

“I’m the first black press secretary. The first person of color press secretary. The first openly queer press secretary. The first Haitian American immigrant press secretary. The first press secretary to be all of the above. Being a first meant that my responsibilities were beyond those in the job description, the load heavier.” —Karine Jean-Pierre

Inquiring Minds Want to Know

“Something I’ve often wondered about: if ‘diversity is our greatest strength’ why is it that we have to be reminded of that after every terrorist attack?” —Konstantin Kisin

The Davos Elite Admit Defeat

“A dead man, a dead politician has risen. … This is the greatest comeback in political history of a politician. And therefore he thinks he can do anything.” —former Defense Department official Graham Allison

“We need to also factor in not only who’s won, which is Trump, but who’s lost — which is to say, us. That is to say the sort of general, kind of intellectual, professional, managerial people who sort of thought … that history was over, and we were administering and trying to manage things according to rules that were kind of clear and known.” —Yale University professor Walter Reed

Upright

“Deportation flights have begun. President Trump is sending a strong and clear message to the entire world: if you illegally enter the United States of America, you will face severe consequences.” —White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt

Political Futures

“It’s like signal after signal that this wasn’t a con to get to a place of power. That the election was actually about changing things in the promised direction, to a large extent. Will it be to the full extent that we were promised? I don’t know. But this certainly seems like a good-faith effort to bring these things about immediately.” —Bret Weinstein on Trump’s executive orders

“You look at what they’re trying to do to Tulsi Gabbard, which is disgusting. They are trying to say she’s a Russian asset. She isn’t. She’s been through five background checks.” —Senator Marsha Blackburn

“With Democrats and Tulsi Gabbard, I think that they’re trying to appeal to that old guard of sort of neo-conservative national-security Republican, but that’s an increasingly rare breed on Capitol Hill.” —Phil Wegmann

For the Record

“Just Ukraine alone, they have lost more soldiers in three years than we lost in the entire Vietnam war and Korean war combined. So [Trump] understands the carnage and the destruction. … It’s not going to end by killing each other.” —Lt. Gen. Keith Kellogg, U.S. special envoy to Russia and Ukraine

“That’s how the Russians fight. They fight an attrition war. Look, this is a nation that was willing to lose 700,000 killed in six months at Stalingrad in World War II.” —Keith Kellogg

“When you see pictures of the fields that I see? Nobody wants to see it. You’ll never be the same.” —Donald Trump on the killing fields of Ukraine

Belly Laughs of the Day

“The Trump administration has discovered something called ‘genetics,’ which apparently is not yet well known in the legal and medical community despite the wide use of DNA tests in both professions.” —David Strom

“I’m so happy Trump is rescuing all these illegal aliens from living in such an evil racist country.” —Joel Berry

“When you’re getting deported how much is customary to tip the ICE agents?” —comedian Danny Polishchuk